Imagine how this would feel, in a country with no healthcare.

When I was sat in the emergency hospital waiting room on Sunday…. knowing I had to be there to keep myself safe…. it came into my mind, what this would feel like with no health care?

I know the answer. I would be dead. The health care available where I live, has helped me to stay alive.

I’ve been to third world countries. I’ve seen the living conditions, the lack of healthcare, lack of education, lack of decent housing, lack of everything. A few years ago, I did a fair amount of research about Nepal. And the street children and orphanages. I learned from research the really high level of homeless women and the No1 cause of death, is suicide.

As I sat in the waiting room, of the really clean hospital, knowing I had just come from my decent car, and my decent home… I thought about how it would feel to be suicidal, somewhere like Nepal. I do understand why the suicide rate is so high. With the level of physical and mental health issues these desperately poor people are enduring, suicide would be an option I can see many would take. The complete lack of hope, help, support and enduring major health issues, would be horrendous.

I do complain about the health system here in this rich country I am blessed to live in. I complain mental health is not prioritised and there is a need to want this issues to improve. And I do believe this needs changing.

But, bottom line, I am so blessed. I have a very patient GP counsellor who bulk bills all my weekly appointments, so I don’t have to pay anything. I have access to

My normal, my ordinary – is seen by many – as extraordinary.

As per Brene Brown – courage is in being vulnerable. And to have truth and honesty about ourselves, takes the courage to be vulnerable.

My counsellor talked about Brene Brown this week at counselling, with reference to my courage. And a friend quoted Brene Brown this week. I’ve also had numerous messages recently about my honesty and how this is considered unusual. About my work, my blogs, my capacity to stand up to dangerously toxic people. And how brave that all is. I was told by hospital staff, how brave I am to be processing all the severe childhood trauma. As well as to have survived it all.

I have to stop and remember just how much courage it takes alone, to be really honest about ourselves. To have self insight and be honest about it all. Including when we screw up and the capacity to own this fully and take responsibility. And learn from it. With no push from others. I can do this myself, due to my conscience and capacity to do what’s right. No matter how uncomfortable this feels.

I forget, I have needed to be strong, whilst vulnerable – since being a child. I needed to have deep self honesty, and deep courage – to survive all I have. Especially as a child. Every single day of my entire childhood and continuing on throughout my adulthood.

Courage, inner strength,

being honest with self

& the vulnerability required,

are not new to me.

They are all I have known.

They are my normal.

They are my ordinary.

Being a survivor of narcissists, sociopaths & psychopaths

This was sent to me today, to remind me how strong I am. I do realise how strong I am , to have survived it all. Particularly as the first 20 years of my life, these types of people, were all I knew. I was raised by them and surrounded by them. Abused horrifically by them. It is a miracle I am here at all.

I need to remember every day – I am not defined by what they all did to me. I am defined by all I have survived and all I am overcoming.

I have been receiving so much support, compassion and kindness this week. It really is quite amazing.