Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I have a hard time giving myself the label of ‘warrior’.


I’ve blogged about this before, and I am still uncomfortable with giving myself the label of ‘strong warrior survivor’.

Sometimes, I do not feel strong. Or a warrior. Sometimes, I feel anything but those labels.

I also feel like those labels are burdens that are too hard to carry. They imply I should be strong all the time. And if I’m not, I am weak.

There is a lot of victim shaming that goes on in society. And I feel this labelling, feeds into this. If we are not being ‘strong warrior survivors’ – we are seen as weak and acting like a victim.

It is a label, I struggle with, because I do not want people to feel shame for not being society’s expectation of ‘strong warrior survivor’.

I don’t want to feel the shame I feel myself, when I am not being a warrior. When instead I am struggling to get through the day, feeling suicidal and like I have no fight left in me. Should I feel ashamed of that. No, I shouldn’t. But, I do. And I know if I feel this way, many others will as well. And I feel so sad about this.

The reality is, no matter what state I am in, the very fact that I have survived all I have and I am here, and I pick myself back up after every low state, and keep going……… is being a strong warrior survivor. It takes considerable courage, resilience and inner strength.

But, being suicidal and struggling to function, is definitely not everyone’s description of a warrior and this burden we can carry of trying to maintain it, can feel far too heavy.

When I have burdens that are heavy, I am weighed down by them. When I give myself the freedom, to just be who I am, no matter what state I am in, I am able to cope better.

I also wonder whether this issue I have of these labels, are also about my ‘not being good enough’, due to all the abuse I endured from my mother. That ‘never good enough’ plays into how I think of myself, and if I’m not doing something perfectly, I’ve had to force myself to know it’s okay.

So, maybe this also is why I cannot describe myself as a strong warrior survivor’, but is something I should describe myself as. But, those critical voices from the past, are still affecting how I see myself now.  .

I don’t know 100% why I struggle with these positive labels.

And my current counselling focus of ‘What I am/What I am not’….. is tackling these deeper issues and forcing me to confront them. When I would much rather avoid it completely.

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I have a hard time giving myself the label of ‘warrior’.

  1. I know. I don’t like being called a survivor or a warrior or a victim or…
    How about an identity that isn’t defined by trauma? That’s my long-term goal.

    • It is interesting the terms and labels, people like and don’t like.
      I have no issue with the term victim or survivor, as I accept I have been both. And I don’t like people shaming victims, and I advocate against victim shaming, victim blaming and shame shifting.
      But for me, the term warrior, implies I have to be so strong every day. And I don’t feel really strong every day. And I don’t want to feel like that is something I should feel every day. I see how it shames those who do not feel like warriors all the time, and how society then labels survivors as weak, when they are not strong every day.
      It is an interesting topic.
      It’s something I think is different for everyone.

  2. Just hang in there Sweetie.
    Remember being a warrior doesn’t mean you don’t get affraid, tiered, think about giving up or in any way less than human. Just means by the grace of God, you manage to soldier on.