Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Questions To Ask Potential Therapists About Treating Complex Trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am aware of the vital necessity, for any therapist treating a survivor of complex trauma, to have enough insight, education, training, experience, empathy and knowledge about complex trauma.

Without these, many complex trauma survivors are harmed further, re-traumatised and this can greatly harm their healing journey. It can lead to suicide. It can lead to the survivor, never seeking help again.

There are many deep and complex layers of trauma, involved in complex trauma. Complex trauma is severe, ongoing interpersonal abuse, where the victim does not have or perceive a viable escape. Trust has already been destroyed during the abuse occurring. Often boundaries have been abused and the client’s survival tools, will include a lack of trust with anyone. Very understandably.

The therapy relationship may be the only relationship the client has, to talk openly and without fear of judgment, invalidation, minimization of the suffering caused.

More information about complex trauma, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can be found on my website

@ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/.

My website is supported by many mental health professionals, in the trauma field.

Building a relationship with a therapist, will likely be a challenging journey. But, a ‘safe enough’ therapy relationship, will be required. Safety, for many complex trauma survivors, is a fear inducing situation. It can take considerable time to build up enough trust and safety with a client. That is normal.

I advise people seeking therapy, to find out whether the potential therapist, is adequately skilled, to provide the quality of therapy required.

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The following, is a list of potential questions I recommend, to discern if the therapist will be suitable.

And remembering the therapist is there to provide a service to you (the client) and they should be receptive to questions. It is needed to know whether any potential therapist is suitable for a complex trauma survivor.

It may feel awkward to questions, but it is our right, to ask. In not asking questions, we have no gauge as to the quality of therapy and that can result in more harm, or being further traumatised.


1. Ask the therapist, what they know about the differences between trauma and complex trauma?

They should have an in depth knowledge of this subject. They should know trauma can be caused by events such as a one time sexual assault in adulthood, a car crash, military combat, the unexpected death of a loved one etc.

They should also know complex trauma is ongoing interpersonal trauma/abuse, caused by people. It is long term abuse, or multiple abuse/trauma. It is within a captivity situation, where there is no perceived means of escape. It causes deep, pervasive and complex issues with trust, emotion regulation, sense of identity, emotional flashbacks, inner critic, toxic shame and social anxiety. To name a few.

The therapist, needs to be very aware of the deeper issues caused by complex trauma, as  opposed to other types of trauma.

2. Ask the therapist, how many clients they have treated for complex trauma?

They need to be experienced in providing therapy. Continue reading


21 days in prison, for paedophilia & beastiality.

The judicial system, is disgusting. It is outrageous that this paedophile and the paedophile mother, both only received 21 days in prison.

It disgusts me that this is the society I live in, where children are harmed in the worst ways possible, by their own sick, vile parents…. and that is the consequences. 21 days in prison. That is not going to do anything to stop this woman’s sick needs and behaviour, or the other paedophile. It’s a slap on the wrist and back out, to harm more children. How is this going to protect society and out most vulnerable citizens, from being harmed in this most heinous way? It isn’t.

Fucking disgusting.

My husband is a police officer, and as a result I not only know the vile heinous pain and suffering these ‘people’ cause………. but also how many of them are around. And it is far more than is realised.

It also hit me like a brick…. that this woman is termed a paedophile, for allowing her child to be sexually abused by someone else. Plus other paedophile offences. So, technically my mother is a paedophile, because she knew I was being abused by a paedophile and sent me round to him. Frequently. And was angry when I told her what was happening to myself and my sister. I’d kind of got my head around her being a female child sex offender, but paedophile, feels even worse. No doubt this is what my step father was as well. Continue reading

Why people think revenge/payback/karma, are okay?

I’ve never understood the attitude some people have – of wanting revenge, wanting abusive people abused back, wanting people to ‘get their karma’.

I don’t get that need and I know I never will. I have never had those thoughts or needs. Despite all the sick and heinous things done to me. In fact, if I read a news story about a sex offender getting raped in prison…. I don’t think that is good, okay, justified etc. I believe in prison, to stop offenders hurting more people and keeping society safer. And I believe in justice. I also believe in exposing conmen/abusers and those who harming people, so less  people will get conned/harmed/abused. But, I don’t believe in revenge, for the sake of harming someone back. I don’t take delight in knowing an offender is being abused back. I don’t understand that desire people have, of enjoying seeing people harmed. In any circumstances. Yet I see this attitude everywhere.

I don’t believe in, or need ‘karma’. I don’t do good things, to ‘get good back’. I do it, because it is the right, mature, empathic thing to do. And karma for many – means a more ‘socially acceptable’ way of saying people who harm others, will get back what they deserve. The immature ‘payback is a bitch’ attitude. I see quotes like ‘dear karma, I have a list of people you missed’. And karma does not even have a any rational basis to it. It all seems pretty childish to me.

It is quite bizarre to me, the belief systems people will cling onto with all their might, and the cognitive dissonance that occurs, when that belief system, is challenged.

I do not understand why people like seeing people hurt or embarrass themselves, and think it’s funny. It’s not funny to me.

I discussed this in counselling. It was explained to me, that the need people have for revenge/retaliation, or finding other people getting hurt – funny ….is a very primitive need – the person being stuck in emotional development at young child age.

So, when people have these attitudes that always feel so ‘childish’ to me, I am actually right. It is immature….. a very emotionally immature development level.

When people talk about ‘the best revenge is doing well’ & ‘the best revenge is being happy’ type attitudes, I just think… ‘why do you even need any revenge?’. I don’t. I don’t ‘need’ anyone to see I am doing well, knowing that will annoy/upset them.

I don’t believe revenge is justified, although I can understand thoughts of revenge due to intense anger when acts of abuse have recently occurred. But, I am referring in this blog post, of the ongoing, long term needs for revenge. The ongoing need people have for everyone to ‘get their karma’. This deeply embedded belief system, that payback, revenge, retaliation, karma…. are healthy. When this belief system, is not healthy.

I am always so glad to have the understanding I have, clarified by psychology and human development insight. It is helpful, to understand my thinking is actually healthy and Continue reading