Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

People who speak about kindness, respect, empathy, compassion for adults, but not children.


There are a lot of opinions about respect, compassion, kindness, empathy. For adults. But, what is bizarre to me, is some of the people giving advice about this…. do not show this, within their own homes, to their children.

I believe children should be treated with the same behaviours and attitudes, adults expect and demand.

This includes hitting people. Hit an adult and that is classed as assault, or domestic violence.

Hit a child, and this is twisted into ‘discipline’. How hypocritical. And shallow. *sigh.

hitting kids domestic violence

I’ve always known this. I was doubting myself for a while., when an abusive, toxic church were inflicting their mind control about discipline needing to involve hitting, belting children. And inflicting pain on babies. Their evil attitudes, even extending to ‘disciplining’ babies, through pain and fear. Their abusive and toxic attitudes, were displayed in many others ways, and this simply clarified how toxic the church is.

But, my own conscience, empathy, capacity for understanding what is right and wrong, soon knew, they were twisting Bible verses, to suit their abusive mindsets.

How can anyone really say it is okay to hit a child, but not an adult?

It’s worse to hit a vulnerable child. It affects their growing brain and psyche. They have no capacity to stop the person hitting them. The person hitting them – their parent – is teaching them physical pain equals love. Which is wrong. And further abuse.  It is an act of violence.


It is 100% possible to discipline children, without hitting them. I know, because I am successfully raising my boys, without hitting them. And they are normal, well behaved, respectful children, doing well in school.

And my children have the capacity for empathy……. because they are modelled and shown empathy and respect.


It takes more effort and more self control, but my children are worth it. I love them enough, to put in the extra effort needed.

I’ve realised how toxic and disrespectful and hypocritical, people are, when they expect and demand being treated with dignity and not hit, but do the opposite for their children.

People can be bizarre. They will believe their own toxic attitudes and justify and rationalise it any bizarre way they can.

And of course, they choose to believe they know better, than all the highly educated psychologists, child development experts and neuroscience experts. That’s how bizarre they will can be. And no self insight and self awareness, in the process.


I will always advocate for children to be treated with respect, dignity, empathy, compassion – equal to that which adults rightly expect and demand.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “People who speak about kindness, respect, empathy, compassion for adults, but not children.

  1. It is distressing to hear people defend physical assault toward children as ‘discipline’ and say without it they would not learn respect. But what is being taught is not respect but fear. One does not respect somebody for hitting/slapping/spanking/etc. them, they just learn to fear them and ‘behave’ if that feared person is present. I don’t believe physical assault on children means they learn to respect authority either as that is also just fear induced too. The only way we learn to treat others well is if we treat ourselves that way and can model/demonstrate it for children.

  2. It is distressing for me to hear adults defend hitting/spanking/belting children. I will not condone it and I will speak up about it.

    I know someone who goes on continually about being kind, and yet regularly hits her kids. She has no self awareness, or self honesty capacity, about what a hypocrite she is.

    I have to have distance and boundaries, because she is also someone who’s ego is so fragile, she would not be able to hear the truth. She would be very resentful to be told that kindness needs to start at home with her own children, before she tries to be someone who can give advice to anyone else.

    Sadly, this is something pretty common. It upsets me, because I know the effect it has on children.


  3. I have been pointing this double standard out to adults my whole life….Hitting ANYONE child or adult or animal for that matter is assault and not an act of discipline. I no longer speak to people who have engaged in any form of violence towards children and/or adults and I want to say a lot of them are women, it;s not just men. Why is it that the children who need the most protection in the world get the least?Thank you again for making an important statement.

    • I also have to distance myself from ppl who hit anyone – including children. My empathy for the one being hit, is so strong.
      I would rather have less people in my life, than have anyone who justifies abuse to anyone and particularly children.
      The double standard and hypocrisy, is blatant to me.
      But, people will do anything to avoid facing their own soul…. as Carl Jung stated.