Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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How People Use ‘Forgiveness’ To ‘Shame’ Abuse Survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I see this occurring, all too often.

Religious people, can be the worst for this. I’ve heard many toxic and abusive statements, like ‘God won’t forgive you of your sins, if you don’t forgive your abusers’, ‘all sins are equal’. ‘I’ve forgiven, so should you’. Plus Buddhists deem you will get your ‘karma’ for not forgiving everyone of everything. They lord forgiveness over you as something if you do not have for everyone, makes ‘you’ the bad person. It really does become a big ego fest.

And this is all highly abusive.

This is all ‘shame-shifting’.

The only person that does need to feel shame, is the abuser. They do need to feel appropriate shame about their actions. They do need to feel remorse about the harm they caused. They need to seek to do what is necessary, to deal with it appropriately. Like be honest and tell the truth. Be honest about their motivations.

And if they did all this, they would not expect or demand anything from the victim. They would know the victim needs to deal with their healing, how the victim needs. They would know the victim is absolutely entitled to feel anger, rage, disgust and needs to grieve.

No-one gets to demand forgiveness.

No-one gets to demand, their interpretation of forgiveness.

No-one gets to demand reconciliation, or any further contact with the abuser.

Some things like child sexual abuse, can appropriately be deemed unforgiveable. Continue reading


I realise I get ‘crazier’ to some people. And it’s a positive.

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I am aware I have always been ‘different’ to your average person, who has experienced a more average life. I’ve been described as ‘different’ in many ways. ‘Kooky’, ‘quirky’, ‘crazy’ etc. And I now I accept I am different. Not better than anyone. But different.

One of the greatest flaws in humanity, is the general incapacity to accept anything that is not personally understood. And the way most people deal with this….. is to reject and dismiss, mock and invalidate….. as per the need many have to remain ignorant, unwise and lacking in insight. And it is a choice.

Many people, also cannot bear to be ‘wrong’. The human perilous ego.

So, I have also accepted I continue to grow in my differences to many. But, this is down to my wider life experiences, my capacity to learn, be wrong, have insight and self honesty. Continue reading


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Invited to participate in a Webinar

I received a message today, an invitation to participate in a webinar session, with a doctor who specialises in trauma and PTSD!

As I write/work under an anonymous identity, with a pen name, I have a lot to think about. A webinar will reveal my face, my identity more.

So, I’m going to speak to my counsellor, to discuss all the potential consequences, should I decide to go ahead and do the webinar.

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Whatever the outcome, I feel very blessed to be invited! It is such an honour to be invited by a professional in the trauma field. Continue reading