Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

It is a choice to parent well and model empathy and compassion.


My children are modelled empathy, caring, and considering other people’s needs and feelings. This is modelled by me and they both have the capacity for empathy and caring. Which is demonstrated frequently and is noticed by other people, like teachers.

My mouth is so sore, from having a partially erupted, infected wisdom tooth removed, which involved cutting bone, as well as the gum.

My 13 year old has been asking me what he can do to help me, and my 7 year old brought me his favourite ‘tiddy’ to cuddle, to help me feel better.

I am feeling very loved. And thankful I am raising caring and empathic sons.


I often have moments with my own children, were I realise I am teaching them things I was never shown in my own childhood. And despite everything I have endured, I am a parent who tries really hard to parent well, cares, worries, researches, asks advice etc.

I always come back to the same question… if I was so badly abused, not modelled anything healthy…. and yet I am such a caring, pro-active mother….. why couldn’t my mother have been the same?

No matter what she may have endured herself as a child, she still could have been a mother like me.

I don’t understand what makes someone be a disgusting vile person, who wants to hurt people, including their own children.

If being abused in childhood, is the reason for someone becoming abusive as an adult, I should be a serial killer. But, I am the opposite. I am not perfect, but I am nothing like my mother.

Childhood abuse, is no excuse to become an abusive adult.

I am not perfect, but I am kind, caring, empathic, and doing everything possible to be a good parent.

I wish I had a reason, that was not a rationalisation, or an excuse, for why people choose to do evil. Particularly over periods of years, decades.

I don’t think I will ever have a reason, other than some people choose and want to hurt people. They choose and want to gain pleasure from it.

So, whilst it is wonderful to see my own children grow with virtues I cherish in people…….. It is always a continual realisation, continual reminder, continual trigger… of the deeply impacting vile abuse I endured from my mother. And that was her choices.

I don’t feel angry at my mother right now.

But, I do feel terribly sad.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

2 thoughts on “It is a choice to parent well and model empathy and compassion.

  1. I have three kids. I remember making a choice when I was young to not do the same things my parents did to me. Thank you for sharing your experience.

    • I am so thankful for the survivors of abuse, being caring people who choose not to parent in the same way that was experienced in their own traumatic and abusive childhoods. Like yourself❤

      It is possible and does happen, to be the opposite of an abusive parent. It is a choice.

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