It is a choice to parent well and model empathy and compassion.

April 2, 2016 by Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 2 Comments

My children are modelled empathy, caring, and considering other people’s needs and feelings. This is modelled by me and they both have the capacity for empathy and caring. Which is demonstrated frequently and is noticed by other people, like teachers.

My mouth is so sore, from having a partially erupted, infected wisdom tooth removed, which involved cutting bone, as well as the gum.

My 13 year old has been asking me what he can do to help me, and my 7 year old brought me his favourite ‘tiddy’ to cuddle, to help me feel better.

I am feeling very loved. And thankful I am raising caring and empathic sons.

I often have moments with my own children, were I realise I am teaching them things I was never shown in my own childhood. And despite everything I have endured, I am a parent who tries really hard to parent well, cares, worries, researches, asks advice etc.

I always come back to the same question… if I was so badly abused, not modelled anything healthy…. and yet I am such a caring, pro-active mother….. why couldn’t my mother have been the same?

No matter what she may have endured herself as a child, she still could have been a mother like me.

I don’t understand what makes someone be a disgusting vile person, who wants to hurt people, including their own children.

If being abused in childhood, is the reason for someone becoming abusive as an adult, I should be a serial killer. But, I am the opposite. I am not perfect, but I am nothing like my mother.

Childhood abuse, is no excuse to become an abusive adult.

I am not perfect, but I am kind, caring, empathic, and doing everything possible to be a good parent.

I wish I had a reason, that was not a rationalisation, or an excuse, for why people choose to do evil. Particularly over periods of years, decades.

I don’t think I will ever have a reason, other than some people choose and want to hurt people. They choose and want to gain pleasure from it.

So, whilst it is wonderful to see my own children grow with virtues I cherish in people…….. It is always a continual realisation, continual reminder, continual trigger… of the deeply impacting vile abuse I endured from my mother. And that was her choices.

I don’t feel angry at my mother right now.

But, I do feel terribly sad.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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