A lot of trauma survivors, talk about how they miss who they used to be. They miss their ‘pre-trauma’ self/identity.
For many of us, however, who were severely abused from a very young age, we don’t have a ‘pre-trauma’ identity. This is something people will not fully comprehend, unless they have personally endured this.
Part of my healing process, is building my identity. A healthy identity. My real identity. The real me.
Not based on the trauma and abuse. Because I am not what was done to me. I am all I have overcome, all I continue to overcome. I am all the courage required and all the inner strengths and virtues I have – despite all the abuse.
I am also not what anyone else thinks I am. I am not all the nasty, bitchy, abusive things said to me. I am not all the negative voices and their opinions, from the past.
I am focussing on all I really am.
My counsellor opened a can of worms several weeks back, with this focus on ‘what I am, what I am not’. She’s smart, wise woman. She knew I had to deal with this. Continue reading
I am aware I am controversial. Because I have the capacity to think deeply about serious matters. I have the capacity for discernment. I can figure out why something feels wrong, shallow, a platitude, nonsense, a lie, unwise, shames people….. etc.
I have been told this is a gift. It is not common.
I don’t seek to be controversial, for the sake of it. I do it, to reach out to help people. I am okay with that.
I use this gift, to help others. It helps many. It irritates some people too, who don’t understand my thinking/viewpoint. And I have come to understand people often reject what they don’t understand. Rather than stop and think about it.
We discussed this is counselling, yesterday. Many people want people who fit in their box. In their level and capacity of thinking. In their belief systems. In their needs. And anyone who does not meet those self serving requirements, is not welcome. Is rejected. Continue reading