The abuse I endured, started even before I was born. I am the product of an affair my mother had with my married birth father. He wants nothing to do with me. Apparently. That does not surprise me, when I consider my mother’s taste in vile men.
My first school I attended, was a Catholic primary school. Being the illegitimate child, with a mother ‘living in sin’ with my step father, led to abuse. I had children circling me in the playground, calling me a bastard. I was 4 years old.
This is one of my earliest memories.
I endured spiritual abuse, at 4 years old. The only way those children knew to call me a bastard, was because adults told them. So, the spiritual abuse was from the ‘Christian’ parents. Such disgusting abuse, to any child.
I’ve carried the shame, of being a ‘bastard’ all my life. The rejection from my birth father. The abuse that continued on by my mother. My sister used to torment me as a child, telling me I was not ‘her’ father’s child. And he loved her and not me. She delighted in saying that. In the same way she delighted in intentionally getting me into trouble, as she admitted a few years ago. Her sociopathic traits, were expressed young. All I can say to that, is I am glad he didn’t love me. Thank God!
My only comfort from all this, is knowing Jesus loves me, no matter how I was conceived.
But, I still carry the shame, deep down.
I wasn’t wanted, from before even being born. And I knew that very early on in my life. It was made very clear.
I was a burden to my mother.
I believe she only got pregnant to try and trap my birth father. I believe she Continue reading