People with a deeper level of insight into issues that are emotive, receive mixed reactions to their views.
There is no-one who has done good in this world, without being controversial. Because, people often do not understand a deeper point of view. And people mostly dismiss a different point of view that does not comply with their beliefs.
I have empathy in many ways, for those who are defensive about what they hear and don’t like hearing. I’ve had to face this myself.
The most wisdom I have ever gained, was by hearing what I didn’t want to hear. But, I listened, I considered, I asked more questions, I debated, I thought about it, until I knew I understood it completely.
One of these issues I have thought about a lot and considered deeply, is shame. And those who shame others, and why. Why society shames abuse survivors. Why shame is considered as a terrible emotion. Why the terms ‘victim’ and ‘self pity’ are obsessively considered shameful, by most of society.
What I have also learned in the process, is having boundaries. Some people, when faced with hearing what they do not want to hear, will respond inappropriately. They will be defensive, react from a place hurt and feel entitled to do so. I know, I’ve been there and done this myself. But, I always quickly know what I have done, and sort it out appropriately.
I had to learn my own boundaries, when reacting to others. And I have. I had to learn to stop, before reacting. Stop, pause, think, distract myself with something else if needed. Then, calmly ask questions, calmly think more. This requires self insight, self control, and a capacity to see outside of our own needs.
Shame, is one of the triggers for many, to react badly. Many people don’t have enough self insight, to see they have unresolved shame issues. What will happens then, is all reactions and thoughts, are distorted by the shame inside, and nothing wise results.
So, I maintain my own emotional boundaries, as I see is needed.
I continue to speak what I believe, and keep my boundaries from anyone who chooses to react inappropriately. I don’t have to tolerate being spoken to and targeted for people’s projected hurt. I can maintain empathy, with appropriate boundaries.
Something, I have noticed and learned, from my own counsellor.
I accept I am controversial and I deal with the outcome of that, accordingly. And I am improving on this, over time, with much effort.
All of this, is part of the healing and growth journey. It takes time, but that’s okay.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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