Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Brene Brown on Boundaries, Empathy & Compassionate

If you don’t have healthy boundaries, you cannot have empathy & compassion.

This is something I have learned & know is so true.

And the more I discern people with poor boundaries, the more I see their lack of empathy/compassion capacity.

This is why I will continue, with my mantra, of Boundaries, Balance & Self Care.

I know without any doubt, how vital they are.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Managing my emotions better, in group situations.

I am a very empathic person. When I hear someone speak of something traumatic, or see people upset, I struggle not to get emotional. I feel their pain.

I’ve been running a ladies group for a few months. Today, the group was smaller, there were four of us. The smaller groups tend to be easier to talk within. They are very different and diverse ladies, different lives, experiences. I love hearing their stories and thinking.

Two ladies today, I had a feeling were going through something, and I knew one lady had been having a tough time. So, when she arrived, I gently said I was glad she was here and I had been thinking of her. I could tell she was very appreciative that I had remembered previous conversations and was asking her if she was okay.

Today, the conversation was heavier than normal. This lady I had been concerned for, shared her battle with depression and being suicidal.I could hear both the relief to have a group safe enough to share within, but also the pain in her voice and face, body language.

I didn’t want to get too emotional, because I wanted to remain controlled and be able to react appropriately.

Then another lady I had been concerned for, shared her husband committed suicide. Many years ago, but again I could feel the pain and grieving. I know and understand, grieving can go on a long time, and that’s okay.

It took everything I had, not to fill up with tears. I really struggled, but I managed it. I could feel them there, but managed to keep controlled.

I listened to both of these ladies, their experiences, their emotions, how terribly hard this was for both of them. I leaned in, nodded and validated how hard this all is. I had that ‘watching myself from outside of myself’ experience I can now have, to monitor how I am reacting and seeing how others may be experiencing my reactions, facial expressions, words, tone etc. I wanted to make sure, I was responding, in the most appropriate way I could.

I wanted these ladies to know, it is okay and safe to share. I was Continue reading

The ‘all or nothing’ thinking, about mental illness & crime.

It interests me, how so many people go to the continuum extremes, when emotive issues are being considered.

I see this more and more. Especially due to social media.

An example…..  a mother kills her child.

One end of the continuum – the mother is evil and deserves the death penalty.

The other end  – the mother must have mental illness issues and is not responsible for her actions.

Firstly, without knowing all the facts,  neither of these assumptions should be made. But, they are.

Secondly, the issue of mental illness, is not about whether there is mental illness, it’s what type of mental illness. Psychosis, ‘may’ be a reason.. Schizophrenia, may be a reason. Being a psychopath, may be a reason. The latter, meaning there is full and conscious responsibility for murder.

Most people don’t know, that some experts believe 1 in 25 people, are full blown psychopaths. Of those, a percentage will be sadistic, criminal psychopaths, who are capable and responsible for murder.

I increasingly sit in the middle of this continuum of thinking. I don’t jump to assumptions, based on the little facts, put out there by the media.

But, many will assume. Many feel entitled to assumptions. Many lack the insight to realise, their assumptions, are not wise.

So, in the case of the woman who killed her toddler child (and confessed to killing the child after lying to the police about the child being kidnapped)…… I will not assume she does or does not have mental illness issues, that made her unable to be responsible for her actions. I will not assume, she did or did not plan the death of her child. I will not assume anything.

Because, I do not know enough.

I will not pretend to be ‘so compassionate’ as to assume e.g. psychosis. That’s not compassion, that’s wanting to make a terrible situation, feel less terrible.

I will not pretend to be someone who can assume she is an evil psychopath. That’s not healthy and is a complete lack of compassion.

I’ll sit in the middle, where it is far more wise and discerning. Where assumptions are not made. Where excuses are not made. Where rationalising, is not used.

I will let the police and those dealing with her mental health issues, decide.

And pray that if she is a psychopath/personality disorder type, that she does not dupe and manipulate the psychiatrists. As can easily happen. And has happened. Many times.

And I pray if she has been experiencing psychosis, she receives the understanding, empathy and support, she needs. Continue reading


“You need substantive editing” :)

It’s a good job I don’t have a fragile ego and can hear the truth, from those I know have good intentions.

The editor I have approached to help me with my book, has now confirmed (after looking through some of my blog), I need ‘substantive editing’.

This made me laugh. It amused me.

I have always said it is ‘what’ I write about that is my strength, not ‘how’ I write.

I think he chose to soften the potential blow a bit, by Continue reading