People who’ve endured complex trauma, need authenticity/honesty.

I’m very real and upfront about my journey. The good, the bad and the ugly. Today, has not been a good day. But, I’ve done what is needed, to manage the emotions, the triggers. I do know these flashbacks, will keep occurring, but I manage them better.

I know when they are happening now. Overall, I can manage them better and reduce the length of time they occur. That’s healing. That’s progress. I’ve also learned in the process, it takes far more strength – to feel the emotions, manage them well, without supressing, or avoiding them.

Survivors of complex trauma, often have big issues with trust. I do. I need people to be genuine. I will figure it out, if someone is fake, or pretending to be what they are not.

Being genuine and authentic, with sensitivity, is important to me. So, I know it’s important to others too.

Hell is empty….

This is so true. Some people like to believe in ‘hell’ – a burning pit for the monsters, murderers, rapists, sex offenders, paedophiles etc.

I personally don’t believe in a hell God throws you in, because you don’t live up to His expectations. That does not sound like a God who loves everyone equally. That sounds like a narcissistic psychopath. God is not that.

I would prefer everyone do whatever is necessary to deal with whatever they have done. And everyone go to heaven. I don’t need or desire revenge, hell, karma etc. Hate is not in me. Abuse is abuse. Suffering is suffering. I don’t choose to want that for anyone.

But, I do know from personal experience, the devils are here on earth. I’ve endured too many heinous human beings, to not know there is a hell on earth. I’ve seen it. I’ve endured it. I’ve seen and endured people, who are doing the devils work. I’m not saying people are evil, or the devil, but the devils they choose to follow, are here.

Songs for when I’m having emotional flashbacks.

I’ve learned to go with my emotions, emotional flashbacks. Rather than suppress them. I also know to not stay there long. But, it helps to just feel it. My past has made me who I am, and I honour each part of my journey. Rather than feel ashamed of it.

This song reminds me of being 16.

 

This song reminds me of my hurt inner child. And how I feel right now.

 

 

I don’t ‘belong’ in secular, or Church groups.

It’s hard being someone who is a Christian, but not a ‘regular/average’ Christian. I don’t think the way many of them think. I don’t follow like a sheep and believe everything I hear.

I also don’t fit into secular society. I don’t believe many things, your average secular person believes.

It sucks.

 

I am sat in tears writing this. I know the ‘not belonging’ issue, is a complex trauma issue. But, most people want to belong. It’s a normal, natural human need.

I don’t belong, or fit in. My views I have to keep to myself, to fit in. Because people reject what they don’t want to hear. And my faith is important to me. I don’t force it on anyone. But, I don’t want to pretend it doesn’t exist either. And I have no-one to talk to. I can’t even talk to ‘Christian’ people. There I get rejected the most.

Just because I don’t drink the church Kool Aid, does not make me wrong. But, if you don’t unquestioningly follow along, blindly….. you’re deemed a ‘trouble maker’.

And churches notoriously reject the non stage 3 sheep. (Stages of faith). ‘Thinking’ is not promoted. It’s suppressed. You run the risk of not being welcomed, if you dare to suggest they may be wrong, their Biblical interpretation is wrong.

Cognitive dissonance, will be avoided at all costs, by many church people. In exactly the same way it is, by most people throughout.

There are some things I avoid talking about in counselling, because that’s Christian counselling. I have tentatively approached the conversations, and it was

Sad how church people, cannot ‘hear’ another viewpoint.

I was following a very popular Anglican Church FB page.

The subject of gay marriage, the upcoming plebiscite (costing half a billion dollars), how the LGBTIQ community, are being harmed, was raised.

I posted my views, and of course, got jumped on and shot down. Immediately.

Church people, really can be the most disordered, black and white, harmful people of all.

I give up.

Churches, are for sheep, who follow

Some humour, that makes me giggle :)

So glad to see parents, who really love their children

I’m a Christian. One who also believes being gay, is not sin. So, I don’t fit in with most church people. But, I am totally okay with my Biblical understanding, empathy and awareness of how much shame, abuse and damage church people continually feel entitled to inflict.

And for those who claim being gay in a sin……. ‘what if you are wrong?’.

What if your Biblical interpretation, and lack of knowing context, means you are wrong?

Then try to have some empathy, about how the LGBTIQ community feel, being told