Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I don’t ‘belong’ in secular, or Church groups.


It’s hard being someone who is a Christian, but not a ‘regular/average’ Christian. I don’t think the way many of them think. I don’t follow like a sheep and believe everything I hear.

I also don’t fit into secular society. I don’t believe many things, your average secular person believes.

It sucks.



I am sat in tears writing this. I know the ‘not belonging’ issue, is a complex trauma issue. But, most people want to belong. It’s a normal, natural human need.

I don’t belong, or fit in. My views I have to keep to myself, to fit in. Because people reject what they don’t want to hear. And my faith is important to me. I don’t force it on anyone. But, I don’t want to pretend it doesn’t exist either. And I have no-one to talk to. I can’t even talk to ‘Christian’ people. There I get rejected the most.

Just because I don’t drink the church Kool Aid, does not make me wrong. But, if you don’t unquestioningly follow along, blindly….. you’re deemed a ‘trouble maker’.

And churches notoriously reject the non stage 3 sheep. (Stages of faith). ‘Thinking’ is not promoted. It’s suppressed. You run the risk of not being welcomed, if you dare to suggest they may be wrong, their Biblical interpretation is wrong.

Cognitive dissonance, will be avoided at all costs, by many church people. In exactly the same way it is, by most people throughout.

There are some things I avoid talking about in counselling, because that’s Christian counselling. I have tentatively approached the conversations, and it was not a good experience. So, I know to avoid it.

I feel like I have to suppress a part of who I am. To fit in. To not be rejected. To not be scorned at. To not be told if my views don’t match – then I must be wrong. When I don’t think I am wrong.

I feel sad for myself, that I have never belonged anywhere.

And I still don’t.



Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “I don’t ‘belong’ in secular, or Church groups.

  1. Perhaps you should try to find a secular counselor. As someone who grew up in the Christian church, and has had a lot of issues with the church, I found it easier to talk to someone who was non biased. You should never feel judged, or swayed, in therapy. That’s the whole point…to heal without judgement. 😦

    • Thank you for your message ❤

      I have thought about changing counsellors. Mine doesn't openly judge me, but I am too discerning, to not pick up on the change in the tone of her voice, even when I can tell she is struggling to remain non judgmental. Like many church people, she doesn't see their abusive attitudes, as that bad. She tolerates a lot, that I won't.
      I believe tolerating spiritual abuse, is enabling it. I won't do that, to 'fit in'. My conscience won't allow me to do that.
      So, I avoid some things. I know people are limited.
      On the whole, the counselling is good, so I try to focus on that.
      Although I am also wondering if I need a counsellor, who does not go away for such long periods of time.
      I just can't face having to go through all this again, with someone new.

  2. I also want to invite you to our online chats. It’s all peer based and led by me. I promise you will belong. We are all survivors focused on healing and raising each other up. You can find the dates and times under Upcoming Events on http://www.forgetmenotgroup.org

  3. Thank you for your blog. It was very helpful and inspiring. I too have been healing from Complex PTSD and have always been a deeply spiritual person and have not really liked churches or religious people. However, I became a Christian (Catholic) 2 years ago and have to tell you that I have never been more grateful to find Christ and experience the deep healing that I have desired all of my life- all my symptoms have gone away. I no longer have problems with PTSD, depression, grief etc. — Jesus is the Son of God and healing is possible! I have also experienced spiritual abuse when the church didn’t take me seriously at first when I told them I needed to heal- so I have been taking a break from my regular church, but enjoy going to mass everyday and not knowing anyone. It is really important for me to keep my relationship with the Holy Spirit- and the Eucharist is amazing! I hope that you find this…it took me 20 years of being in (Stage 3) and now am in Stage 4. I still struggle and am healing from spiritual abuse and trying to find my way in the church- despite the toxic system and people- but don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, Jesus is incredible. The church (and gathering with other people) has given me a lot of spiritual protection that I didn’t have, the Eucharist has given me healing, and I also went to a church that knew a great deal about deliverance and they have been praying for me, as it turns out that my PTSD was not a mental health issue, but a spiritual issue of severe oppression. Please let me know if I can provide you with anymore information to help you on your journey- this may be the missing piece.

  4. Wow. I can so relate to this. I’ve found amazing family in Christ, yet as a typical INFJ I still struggle to feel truly like I belong and fight loneliness yet needing much time alone too. It seems an awful push and pull to be aching to feel fully loved and like I belong, but it never seems enough because our personality type is so challenging to understand and we pick up so deeply in what others are truly feeling.