Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Feeling needy = triggers, anxiety & fear.

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I do not feel comfortable feeling needy, or reliant on any person. I’ve been independent since the age of 20, right through to age 40. Since, my ‘breakdown/breakthrough’ – I’ve ‘had’ to rely on others. It’s not a place I want to be in.

I’m still not okay with dependence on anyone. And I’m not okay with feeling needy. I know I am and know this is why I struggle with my counselling relationship. I hate feeling needy. I hate having this ongoing fear, that for some reason – the counselling will end. Every time I hear of another survivor going through the grieving of counselling ending, it triggers absolute fear and anxiety.

I dream about these issues. That’s how deeply embedded into my subconscious, these issues are.

I know I have issues with attachment. I know that when you did not form healthy attachments with caregivers in childhood, and you are instead abused by caregivers, the attachments become different, to those who have healthy caregivers.

I have enough self compassion and self insight, to know what is occurring and why. How would a childhood complex trauma survivor know how to form healthy attachments, when never modelled that? These issues don’t just end, when we reach adulthood. they continue on. Affecting every area of our lives.

I know Complex PTSD, is seen by many in the trauma field, as an attachment disorder. I see why and it makes sense. I know Pete Walker, refers to this in his insightful work and book.

I saw this article, by a mental health professional I follow via twitter.

It is always validating, to know these issues, are absolutely normal after child abuse.

Emotional Attachment: 5 Thoughts of The Needy Person

~Lilly Hope Lucario.

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “Feeling needy = triggers, anxiety & fear.”

Leave a comment

  1. nessa3
    April 18, 2016 at 7:14 am

    Have you heard about Alexithimia? And have you written about it?
    People who have difficulty with feelings…Identifying them and expressing them.

  2. emergingfromthedarknight
    April 18, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    Thank you so much for providing the link to that article. I found it really helpful.