Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Meeting up to chat with the church minister.

I currently attend a church, purely because I want my children to grow up with faith, and only because the church has the children’s ministry – right where I can see them.

I don’t trust church people. I don’t trust at all, they will deal with predators appropriately. I don’t trust they will not shame and harm abuse survivors. And I have very warranted distrust, due to not only all I have seen, endured and witnessed myself. But, also due to amount of other people harmed by church people.

Since attending this church, I have been very low key. I watch, observe, process, and I am vigilant, about every aspect. I’ve already noted some red flags, and I am still observing, whilst knowing my children are safe.

The female minister of the church, has invited me to coffee. Which is very kind of her. I can tell, she knows I have ‘something’ occurring in my life.

So, now I have the dilemma, of how much do I tell her, about what is happening in my life, What has happened in my past? The spiritual abuse I’ve already endured? The book I will be writing about church abuse?

I don’t need to tell her much at all. I’m aware I need to only reveal a little, and then discern how she deals with that.

I know how to build trust slowly now.

I know how to have boundaries, and not reveal all.

I’m aware of building any relationship slowly.

My counsellor has advised me, not to trust this minister, until I know her a lot better. My  counsellor is a Christian, her husband is a church elder etc. She knows the ‘church issues’ that go on.

In fact, it was my counsellor that helped me to change my vocabulary from saying ‘so called Christians’…… to ‘church people’. Which is how I describe all church goers now. Many are not Christians. Many churches, are in fact cults. I’ve endured a cult, that is deluded to believe they are a church. I’ve endured narcissistic/sociopathic/psychopathic church people, pretending to be church pastors, pastors wives, elders etc.

So, I will be building up any relationship I have with these church people, very slowly, very cautiously and very carefully.

I am hopeful, this church is a fairly healthy one. I would like it to be a healthy church. But, I am prepared, for Continue reading


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Soulless Psychopaths, greatly harm empathic people.

psychopath free pic 2

There are no words, to adequately describe, how it feels to have been harmed by evil. A person who does not have any conscience, or empathy, or guilt, or shame, or remorse, or regard for human suffering – and enjoys inflicting suffering…. is as close as you can get, to evil.

I am pretty good at expressing how I feel. Yet, I still cannot describe how horrendous it is, to have suffered these soulless people, as a child, and as an adult. Over periods of years.

It is something, that I feel will never be gone. I dream about these people. Still.

To be touched by evil…. for prolonged periods of time, is beyond description. Continue reading