I currently attend a church, purely because I want my children to grow up with faith, and only because the church has the children’s ministry – right where I can see them.
I don’t trust church people. I don’t trust at all, they will deal with predators appropriately. I don’t trust they will not shame and harm abuse survivors. And I have very warranted distrust, due to not only all I have seen, endured and witnessed myself. But, also due to amount of other people harmed by church people.
Since attending this church, I have been very low key. I watch, observe, process, and I am vigilant, about every aspect. I’ve already noted some red flags, and I am still observing, whilst knowing my children are safe.
The female minister of the church, has invited me to coffee. Which is very kind of her. I can tell, she knows I have ‘something’ occurring in my life.
So, now I have the dilemma, of how much do I tell her, about what is happening in my life, What has happened in my past? The spiritual abuse I’ve already endured? The book I will be writing about church abuse?
I don’t need to tell her much at all. I’m aware I need to only reveal a little, and then discern how she deals with that.
I know how to build trust slowly now.
I know how to have boundaries, and not reveal all.
I’m aware of building any relationship slowly.
My counsellor has advised me, not to trust this minister, until I know her a lot better. My counsellor is a Christian, her husband is a church elder etc. She knows the ‘church issues’ that go on.
In fact, it was my counsellor that helped me to change my vocabulary from saying ‘so called Christians’…… to ‘church people’. Which is how I describe all church goers now. Many are not Christians. Many churches, are in fact cults. I’ve endured a cult, that is deluded to believe they are a church. I’ve endured narcissistic/sociopathic/psychopathic church people, pretending to be church pastors, pastors wives, elders etc.
So, I will be building up any relationship I have with these church people, very slowly, very cautiously and very carefully.
I am hopeful, this church is a fairly healthy one. I would like it to be a healthy church. But, I am prepared, for finding out, it may not be. And if I do find out, any highly inappropriate behaviours, attitudes are occurring, like they welcome sex offenders/paedophiles etc… I will no longer be attending.
I will never knowingly put my children at risk of being abused, just because unwise church people, keep intentionally placing vulnerable people in danger. And keep on making the same church people mistakes, that lead to far too many children, being abused.
I will also no longer be attending, if I find out that they shame abuse survivors, with their toxic opinions, of cheap grace, forcing forgiveness, or shifting any shame – from abuser to victim.
I also have far more healthy boundaries, for myself.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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