Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Survivors, are not responsible for abusers needs.


“You don’t heal and thrive,

within toxic relationships”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

There are some very non insightful people, suggesting that survivors of abuse should in some way, be responsible for the needs of the abuser.

This sadly, is sometimes perpetuated within the mental health profession itself. As I heard, yet again today.

This is wrong.

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If you know anyone, who is implying an abusers needs, are somehow the victims responsibility, please ask them to stop.

And please ignore them.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

(I am really glad to see this being shared a lot on Twitter and by some mental health professionals).

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

8 thoughts on “Survivors, are not responsible for abusers needs.

  1. Absolutely, I agree! I think you are absolutely right, especially when it comes to family. We are taught to “respect our elders,” but what we should be teaching is that respect is a two-way street. People who disrespect us and abuse us, family or not, should not be in our lives in any meaningful way because they pose great harm.❤❤

    • I totally agree. Often survivors of family abuse, get shamed for not ‘tolerating’ the abuse and this false sense of needing to respect elders, and parents etc.

      I see this issue within church people, who are brainwashed to ‘honour thy father and mother’. We do not need to ‘honour thy abusive father and mother’. yet, sadly, this toxic attitude, is pushed by many unwise church people.

      I also see a lot of people with this toxic idea, that we should not cut contact with family. Which is wrong.

      My views are, if anyone – no matter who they are – is abusive, harmful/toxic…. and they are not a making any real effort to change…. then we need strong healthy boundaries. And for family, I choose to love my family, from a very safe distance of no contact.

      I don’t wish them any harm, but I don’t need to tolerate their abuse, either.

      • I completely agree with your perspective! Religion or spirituality should not be an excuse to “honor” an abuser regardless of who they are. Too many abuse survivors who have abusive parents are shamed to feel guilty about not maintaining contact with their family members, even by other family members, and this is very harmful and retraumatizing. We don’t have to tolerate anyone’s abuse in order to be compassionate. Self-compassion is most important and you are right that we can also be compassionate from a distance if we wish to be.❤❤

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