Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

When the first interaction from a religious person…. is about forgiveness. *sigh.


Religious people, can be very tunnel visioned, very black and white and very lacking in empathy, or understanding about trauma. They also often feel very compelled and entitled, to shame you, for not being a ‘good enough Christian’…. by shaming you about forgiveness, grace etc.

I have come to realise, if the first interaction on social media with a religious person, is about forgiveness, I know I am dealing with someone unhealthy.

So, I utilise the block facility on Twitter. I don’t entertain unhealthy, dysfunctional religious people anymore.

You cannot reason, with people who choose not to have rational, empathic or reasonable thinking.

If shaming people about forgiveness, is your thing….. you are not welcome in my life, in any way. You are not going to make my followers feel shamed, by toxic religious and spiritual abuse.

Interestingly, my own Christian counsellor, hasn’t mentioned forgiveness, unless I raise the topic. She also agreed, I don’t ‘have’ to forgive any of my abusers. And if I do, or don’t……. that is my decision, and the only one I answer to – is Jesus.

Adding to this…. I didn’t mean for this to be posted to Twitter, but it did, and many have re-posted it and it has opened up a good debate for understanding the spiritual abuse that is inflicted on abuse survivors……… Which hinders their healing, hinders their faith, hinders their relationships with God.

I am not okay and I wont tiptoe on egg shells around church people. Not when people who have already suffered too much…. and getting further harmed.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “When the first interaction from a religious person…. is about forgiveness. *sigh.

  1. Hugs <3. I am always bewildered by the emphasis on forgiveness because I consider it such a personal decision. For some people, it works and for others it doesn't. Everyone is unique and has a different journey. There are some things so outrageous and unforgivable that many of the people trying to impose their view of forgiveness would have trouble practicing what they preach themselves if they were experiencing the same situation. And even if they are, it's not their place to police another survivor's decision or feelings.

    • This will be in my second book, which will be all about religious, spiritual, church abuse.

      My counsellor is very encouraging of me writing it.

      I have the guts to make it very clear, what they are doing is harmful, hinders healing and is abuse.

      I don’t condone it, at all.

      ❤ ❤

  2. I keep getting the “You have to forgive” speech from Christian friends. I’m not there. At least not all of me is there….there are layers to uncover, there is so much to work thru….no one has the right to tell me that I HAVE to forgive in order to be OK with God or Jesus. It is between me and Him. It is just too complicated….Thank you for talking about it and for letting me know that it is wrong of “them” to try and *make* me forgive those who have abused me….First I have to heal and work thru the trauma…..
    Write your book. I will be happy to read it! Thank you

    • I am a Christian who just happens to have been abused for years. Many of those years I was a little girl. I would never say to anyone they had to forgive in order to be forgiven or be holy. My God forgives yet He also understands my heart. He knows I didn’t forgive my Step fathers, Mother, Psychologists and my own Pastor and why I couldn’t. After working through things for many long hours, days, months and years with a new Psychiatrist in another town, I decided on my own to write or call each of my offenders and tell them how their actions helped destroy my life. Yet, I do now forgive them. Not because anyone told me to but I felt in my heart a need to forgive personally or be controlled by them for the rest of my life. It’s enough to deal with the aftermath with PTSD and Major Depression I sure don’t need to add forgiveness. This is MY walk and it helped. I felt more in control of my life. If anyone ever says, ” God would want you to forgive or God knows you sinned and you need to get things right…:” out they go no matter who they are! MY emotional health is number one now.. take it or leave it.

      Thank you, Lilly for sharing your life and wisdom .