Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Quirky….. I am :)

Quirky ~ ‘unusual in an attractive and interesting way’

– Cambridge Dictionaries Online.

I was always an unusual girl ~Lana Del Rey 

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The one that was different to the rest of my family of origin (thank God). Different in school. Different in life.

Although I tried so hard, to fit in. But, still always described as ‘different’ – but in nice ways (by nice people).

I am quirky, and I own it 🙂

Quirky, just means someone who is not average. Someone who many people, don’t really understand. Someone who appears different to the norm.

I have a quirky personality. My awareness of the different parts of us, we all have, but most people aren’t aware of, and aren’t connected to. I am connected to mine. The archetypes, I am very aware of. I have a deeper level of thinking capacity, than average. I have a quirky taste in clothes. And taste in craft. I feel no desire to be, or dress like anyone else. I love opp shopping to find bargains. I have a quirky sense of humour. Quirky taste in music. Even the way my facial features are so expressive, has been called quirky. I see, understand, process, discern, and have a capacity Continue reading


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I can now officially call myself a published writer!!! Whoohoo!

I was invited to contribute to best selling author – Shahida Arabi’s – new and amazing book – @ http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01B01O3PA

So excited! This book will help so many. It really is exceptional resource!

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I am so excited I can now call myself a published writer! Yay!

I have three pages in the book, which I am so honoured to contribute!

😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

 

 

 

 


Approaching the ‘issue’ in the group.

I wrote recently, about a woman in my ladies group, who was showing red flags. Very selfish, brings every conversation back to herself, ‘tells’ people what they should be doing, no sensitivity to other people’s needs, very defensive if people don’t agree with her, likes to be the centre of attention, expects each meet to be fitting ‘her’ schedule…. etc.

I’ve been monitoring this. I’ve been vigilant about what she is saying to other ladies, and I’ve offered a more appropriate response on several occasions.

It was brought to my attention, that other ladies are finding this woman uncomfortable to be around. And it was off-putting to be told by a stranger, what they should be doing.

After thinking about this for a few days, I decided I would need to approach this woman and let her know this feedback and issues and that I need to be concerned with the whole group. And I don’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable, or leave, due to this.

So, I did. I sent a polite message, outlining this feedback. She responded, with a passive aggressive – nice, but not nice – response. I can read passive aggressive, very easily.

I know to sit back and watch, to see what else happens. The same day, she then stated she couldn’t come to the next fortnightly meet, because she had other plans. When I know for a fact, that she always kept those days free, for my group.

So, this will mean she won’t be attending for at least 3 weeks. Which is okay Continue reading


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When abusers know exactly what they are doing…

I don’t make excuses for abusive people, who know what they are doing is wrong. I don’t justify, rationalise, minimize, excuse… etc.  I know people do make excuses for them… because that’s the easier way to deal with it. It ‘feels’ better, to think the abuse, was not intentional.

But, I don’t deal with lies. I deal with the truth. I cannot lie to myself, to make myself feel better.

The fact is – most abuse is done intentionally. Consciously. Deliberately. Because if it wasn’t….. they would not hide it, or lie about it. They are not insane, they know exactly what they doing.

It’s the harder road, to deal with truth, but I believe it to be necessary, to heal and to not remain in toxic relationships.

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So for anyone grappling with this issue. Ask yourself…. did the abuser hide their toxic behaviours? Did they lie about it? Did they do it out in the open, in front Continue reading


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Some family systems, are simply too broken to be mended ~ Jeff Brown

Jeff Brown, is one of few people giving advice on Facebook, that I choose to follow. His advice, insight, is far wiser than many. He sees through the victim shaming culture, we live in.

He sees through the New Age rubbish spouted by too many. He sees through all the ‘yogis’, ‘gurus’ and other self serving people. He sees through all the common irrational thinking, perpetuated by many. He sees through all those who perpetuate ‘avoidance’ of trauma, ‘minimizing’ trauma, ‘disconnecting’ from the trauma – perpetuated by some religions and the New Age crowd. He knows they do not lead to healing. He sees through the shaming issues created by family abuse. He sees survivors need boundaries, and not to feel any shame or guilt.

He has rational thinking, wisdom and empathy – a rare combination, I cherish.

This is spot on.

“It’s easy to personalize family dysfunction. We come from them, after all. It’s hard to distinguish what is ours, from what is there’s- where do I end, where does the other begin? This is particularly true if we have yet to individuate and develop healthy boundaries- something difficult to do in an enmeshed family.

The big mistake that many of us make is going back to the same toxic family well over and over again, looking for our answers there. Sometimes it happens- like in those rare instances where other family members are simultaneously ready to wake up- but often it is just a self-perpetuating trauma trip, one that merely deepens our confusion and pain.

As difficult as it can be to break the habit, we have to stop looking towards that which wounded us for our healing. Some family systems are simply too broken to be mended. Continue reading


One more week until my counsellor, is back.

I have recently needed to think about and process my emotions and feelings about my counsellor.

She goes away to do training around the world, and sometimes is gone for 4 weeks. And I miss her. I miss having her advice, her thoughts on what I’m processing, and having someone that listens and knows what I am dealing with.

She sent me a really lovely email, while away. Saying it’s okay to miss people we have a bond with. She also confirmed she thinks about her clients and prays for them, while away. Which was very lovely of her to say.

I always feel a bit lost, when my counselling is disrupted for several weeks. But, I have come to accept, this is normal, healthy and okay.

One more week to go…..

Yep, I’m counting down… 🙂

And hey, I made it…. all by myself….. with no big issues.

I survived.

I always Continue reading


When you block someone on Twitter & they stalk you on your blog.

Dysfunctional, toxic people, often get very annoyed when you use boundaries to cut off their connection to you. This includes them having rage at you blocking them on social media.

I always know I made the right decision to block someone, when they then stalk me on my blog.

I’ve learned to have boundaries now, and not be concerned with their toxic issues and not care about their threats and attempts to intimidate you. They can threaten a smear campaign, they can threaten to do whatever. I simply don’t. care.

I know social media is a playground for trolls, abusers, stalkers, predators. So, I utilise the controls available to block such people.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Continue reading