Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

When abusers know exactly what they are doing…


I don’t make excuses for abusive people, who know what they are doing is wrong. I don’t justify, rationalise, minimize, excuse… etc.  I know people do make excuses for them… because that’s the easier way to deal with it. It ‘feels’ better, to think the abuse, was not intentional.

But, I don’t deal with lies. I deal with the truth. I cannot lie to myself, to make myself feel better.

The fact is – most abuse is done intentionally. Consciously. Deliberately. Because if it wasn’t….. they would not hide it, or lie about it. They are not insane, they know exactly what they doing.

It’s the harder road, to deal with truth, but I believe it to be necessary, to heal and to not remain in toxic relationships.

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So for anyone grappling with this issue. Ask yourself…. did the abuser hide their toxic behaviours? Did they lie about it? Did they do it out in the open, in front of anyone?

These are the hard questions, I had to ask myself. And comes to terms with.

Which was really hard, and very emotional. But, I believe it was needed.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

2 thoughts on “When abusers know exactly what they are doing…

  1. Thank you for writing this. It’s so true, but van be easily forgotten in our confusing thoughts.

    • Yes, it’s a reminder I need for myself too. Especially when I see other people making excuses for abusers.
      I have to remember, what they did, was a choice.
      They made decisions, to abuse.
      They could have made decisions not to.
      That is the reality, that helps us to heal.

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