I am so thankful, to have connected with insightful people, who truly understand toxic people. They don’t make excuses for them, or minimize the harm they cause. They don’t justify the abusers actions, and they don’t shame you for having painful emotions and dealing with the long term, life impacting consequences of this severe abuse.
They deal with the full, honest reality and help survivors of this life impacting and severe abuse.
Thank God for these people I have connected with! Thank God for their courage for integrity and truth seeking/telling.
This quote, sums up my life. Every person who has abused me, from my parents, my sisters, the paedophiles, the psychopath, my ex husband, the toxic church pastor & wife, and the entire toxic church congregation – have all chosen to invalidate the abuse intentionally caused, and instead blame ‘me’ – for my (normal and healthy) reactions, to their abuse.
It is truly soul destroying to know how many toxic people, I have endured in my life. And they have all collectively and intentionally, tried to destroy me, due to their own darkness inside and lack of any courage, to own who and what they are.
Projection and failing to take responsibility for their own chosen actions, is one of the core toxic traits, of these toxic people.
Psychopath Free, is one I support in my work, and on my Website.
See @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!abusive-people-info/c188y
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 
May 9, 2016 at 11:51 am
so true. My mom would blame me for getting angry and questioning my dads love for me …because of his abuse. The abusive church I left would tell me my questioning about what was said or done was due to my wrong thinking not that they were abusive.
May 9, 2016 at 12:04 pm
These angry responses, to us rightly asking questions, is really wrong and is further abuse.
Anyone who stops us asking questions – has something to fear.
Churches that do not allow questions, are spiritually abusive.
❤
May 12, 2016 at 5:33 am
My mother, with the help of all of my family, has psychologically abused me all my life through gaslighting and various other forms of lying. For the sake of my sanity, I have to stay away from her.
June 1, 2016 at 12:12 pm
I also have a “christian” (cough cough) narcissistic mother, who is SO nasty, bitter, controlling, etc., and when I try to speak about God’s definition of LIVING others instead of BERATING them, her only reply is “HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER. I’M DONE TALKING TO YOU. YOU’RE THE PROBLEM.”
May 13, 2016 at 3:41 am
Thank you for this post.
May 13, 2016 at 10:17 am
just want you to know how much you have helped me/!! When a person is so brain dead because of the lies , etc, and does not know they are being abused .and starts learning about emotional abuse- THE LIGHTS FINALLY GO ON
July 20, 2016 at 7:22 am
This article is so true. toxic people always highlight how you respond to their abusive behavior shifting blame and focus on you, rather than acknowledging their level of contribution.
July 25, 2016 at 3:47 am
I’ve had therapists subtly blame me for my reactions to fairly extreme verbal abuse and physical intimidation.
“It takes two to tango!” was the response to my shell shocked requests for help. The interesting thing is that
when the same abuse or poor behavior was leveled at them on a few rare occasions, they unravelled almost
immediately. Couldn’t last 5 minutes, although they didn’t have to deal with it on a nearly ongoing basis and
were getting paid to deal with it.
The fact is that none of us are equipped to deal with abusive behavior on an ongoing basis. And the only
ones that can are those who have either died inside and given up or who have all the power and know that
at any time they can crush their abuser and stop them dead in their tracks. Which in that case, they don’t
really have an abuser, as to be abused means implicitly that an imbalance of power exists.
July 25, 2016 at 10:12 pm
It really irritates and bothers me, when therapists focus on our responses to the abuse and trauma we should never have endured.
The focus needs to be on the abuse and the abuser, and how we did not in any way deserve any of the abuse.
You are right, we are not meant to endure ongoing abuse, so we deal with it the best way we can.
Complex trauma is severe and highly impacting.
It is part of my message – to not shame survivors of abuse, and not blame them in any way.
Much love, Lilly ❤
September 29, 2016 at 1:57 pm
I just found your blog. Finally!! Somebody gets it! I feel this big relief every article I read. In fact they have been bringing me to tears, tho I’ve only read a few so far. These are my thoughts, except you wrote them! Nobody understands, and I can’t put it into words so that I can stop the madness!! Thankyou for putting into words what we experience minute by minute and how people around us can make it so much worse! Again, thankyou
September 29, 2016 at 2:49 pm
I am so glad you find the posts validating and helpful. It does make a big difference when someone understands what we are enduring.
Lilly ❤