Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

When not ‘fitting in’, is a really wise place to be.

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The church as a whole, has a long history of acting abusively, inappropriately, lying, being devious, dealing with issues in house and failing to protect children. I’m not ignoring this, like so many choose.

I’ve come to realise today…….. I cannot and should not, put my trust in an institution with this background, knowing these issues continue on and so many church people make excuses and justify, rationalize and basically are very unsafe and dangerous people to be around.

So, I’m not even going to try. I’m not going to even entertain the possibility of trusting any of them.

The church I go to, has the children’s ministry – where I can see them at all times. The toilets are single toilets, so no predators can be hanging out in the toilets.

So as long as we are in these areas, where I can monitor and see my children at all times, ‘I’ know they are safe.

I don’t have to talk to any of them. I don’t have to socialise with them. Just turn up at the time the service starts, leave when the service ends. And that’s it.

I don’t trust the minister will be truthful, so why even bother asking her anything.

I don’t trust my church going counsellor is truthful with me about these issues, so why bother even trying. The church she goes to doesn’t even allow female elders. That’s how disordered and right wing they are. There’s red flags, right there.

Trust is a huge issue to me. And why would I bother assuming I can trust people, who have a deep history of such unwise, opinions & actions, dishonesty, dealing with things in-house and in secret……and abuse so many people – children, LGBTIQ, women?

I don’t have to trust any of them. I just have to trust me. And trust my capacity to keep my children safe. And I will keep them safe. Because, I am a real mother, who cares more about protecting my children, than being a mindless sheep, in a church going along with the hierarchy, just to fit in.

I don’t give a shit if I fit in. In fact, I’m glad I don’t. I don’t aspire to be accepted by dangerous and unwise people. Not fitting in, in churches, is a very wise, safe and positive place to be.

And that’s where I will remain. Along with my children. Safe.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

One thought on “When not ‘fitting in’, is a really wise place to be.

  1. Sadly modern religion is always been about control. By modern I mean after the time that we humans started forming communities of over a couple hundred people. Jesus tried to make a non-hiarchial church where all were equals, disciples, men and women were all to be equals on earth and in the eyes of the Lord. There was to be no church hierarchy. Sadly this got usurped very early on.

    When you have a very high degree of equality, people can speak out against the abuses of others. When there is inequality the voices of the abused get silenced.

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