Remaining calm, whilst being patronised…

Being patronised, or having my intelligence insulted….. is something I am very used to. It’s been happening, since I was a child.

Since developing far healthier self esteem over the last few years, I have realised, my intelligence & my empathy capacity, were the very strengths I have – that abusive, toxic or unhealthy people needed to attack the most…. So I wouldn’t expose what they are. My intelligence, is/was something they feared.

Over the last few years, having my intelligence insulted, has really irritated me. It’s been wrong for the person doing it at the time, and a trigger to past abuse.

But, having had this happen again today….. and reacting calmly – whilst politely asking the person not to patronise me….. shows my capacity to control my emotions, far better than a few years back.

I always use shitty life experiences, to gauge where I am at.

I now have the self esteem, to not be patronised and the capacity for self control, to not react back, with an equally shitty response.

Thank you God, for Christians who ‘get it’ & ‘get’ me.

Shannon Thomas, a very insightful Christian counsellor, is one of few Christians I have connected with – who ‘gets it’, when it comes to church people and abuse. And how badly church people manage dangerous people.

Shannon sent this reply, which I am SO deeply grateful for.

Praise God, for her heart and soul. I feel less like I am alone in this spiritual battle, when I connect with Christian souls like Shannon.

Shannon also re-tweeted my post (see below) about how vile it is, that child sex offenders, are welcomed into churches.

My work is definitely more about abuse, than mental health.

I am an advocate for abuse survivors, and about mental health. This is because I am both someone who has experienced considerable abuse, of every kind…. and I have been diagnosed with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

My work, focusses more on abuse, because Complex Trauma is severe ongoing and repeated abuse, within a captivity situation.

It is my passion, my calling. I’m in the arena.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

~ Theodore Roosevelt

I think for people who have been abused and suffered interpersonal trauma, dealing with all the issues and layers of trauma, caused by this severe trauma, is required. Not just focussing on the PTSD symptoms.

I am aware the deep wounds caused by Complex Trauma, are about far more layers of trauma, than PTSD symptoms alone.

I talk about the types of abuse, many are not interested in, or wish to avoid. Like child abuse. Child sexual abuse. Paedophiles. Child sex offenders. Sexual abuse. Abuse by narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths. Severe abuse caused by parents. Child exploitation. Spiritual abuse by church people and church ministers.

Many wish to avoid having to think about these realities.

I don’t avoid them and continually have conversation about these. Because I know the devastation – all of these types of abuse and abusers, cause.

Dealing with PTSD symptoms, is a small part of my journey, and I know this is the same for many child abuse survivors, survivors of highly dangerous toxic abusers, abusive religious people etc.

I understand the layers of trauma and pain, caused.

Interpersonal trauma, is very different to try and recover from, than non interpersonal trauma. I validate this.

I am so glad when I picked

I must remember churches are full of wolves in sheeps clothing & stage 3 immaturity.

My levels of frustration about church people, is due to my understanding that many of them, are not in fact Christians, and many are very immature in the faith journey. And knowing the harm they cause, as a result.

And whilst I have awareness of where they are at…….. I am also aware, they choose not to see anything further, than stage 3 thinking and beliefs.

I’ve been identified, by my first Christian counsellor, as being at stage 5. Those at stage 3, will believe people such as myself, as being ‘backsliders’. Because they refuse to see anything more than what they want to believe.

This spiritual maturity, runs parallel to emotional growth and maturity. I see this with most people, who resent, resist and repel, anything and anyone, they do not personally understand.

And interestingly, many ministers and church leaders, keep the ‘flock’ at stage 3…. because it’s easier to control. They don’t encourage questioning….. they just want mindless sheep.

My frustration, is not so much that they are immature, but for the harm they cause to many, as a result. Which is not okay. People will immaturely state I am judgmental. Which I fully expect, from unwise, emotionally and spiritually immature people.

Plus the very obvious issue – of ‘wolves in sheeps clothing’ and the ‘dogs’ that are attracted to churches, because church people so often fail to deal with such people in an inappropriate manner.

But, I will not keep quiet, to placate people, who as a result of their choices, harm others.

That would be placating evil. I don’t do that.

http://www.psychologycharts.com/james-fowler-stages-of-faith.html

Accepting the reality.

Whenever I realise I can’t trust people….. people I’m supposed to be able to trust, it always leads to that deep painful awareness, of aloneness, sadness, grieving.

I’m getting better at managing this aloneness. Sometimes, it’s still really painful. I allow myself these times of grieving emotions. And I am used to it. I’ve been alone all my life.

 

I would love for there to be just one person, I could trust. I do have Jesus, but it’s not the same as having someone in the flesh, that I can talk to and feel safe with. It’s a normal human need, to have other people to feel safe with. A human need, I have never had provided.

I’m aware, I also feel the emotions from the past, whenever I am faced with this terminal aloneness. It’s a double whammy of pain. The awareness of being alone now, combined with feeling the fear and sadness, experienced as a child and teenager.

People would tell me not to give up on finding someone. It’s easier to give up… than to keep trying and finding out, I can’t trust them. I don’t believe in giving people false hope. And I realise this needs to be to myself as well.

No-one could ever say I haven’t tried to trust people. I have. But now, I have completely