Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


12 Comments

I won’t be repeating this, ever again.

I have been feeling as bad as it can get, over the last few days. Such intense emotions, that I am either zoned out, dissociated, or thinking of suicide and really wishing that was an option.

Betrayal. Abandonment. Someone minimizing trauma,. Knowing I’ve trusted someone I shouldn’t. Knowing I thought someone genuinely cared – yet all along they didn’t. People making excuses for those who cause others to suffer. Intense pain. Grieving the loss of a significant relationship.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now. It’s a pattern in my life. Repeated over and over. Deepening the wounds every time.

It hurts. More than I can explain.

I was suicidal last night. Thinking of ways I could end my life.

It’s only knowing I will hurt my children if I do that, that stops me. Their pain if I did that, matters more, than the pain I feel now.

All I do know, is to stop this pattern occurring anymore, I have stay away from people.

Trust no-one.

Depend on no-one.

Minimize the opportunity for people to hurt you. Continue reading