Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Emotional Flashbacks – Due to Complex Trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

scared-child

Complex trauma is ongoing or repeated interpersonal trauma (abuse), within a captivity situation, where the victim perceives no viable means to escape.

Most ongoing child abuse, is complex trauma. The child is vulnerable, at the mercy of the caregivers, and unable to escape. Other examples where complex trauma can occur are sex trafficking, prisoner of war, severe domestic violence.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, can result from enduring complex trauma.

Complex PTSD has specific symptoms, that are not listed within the diagnostic criterion for (Uncomplicated) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

These specific symptoms, are deep and pervasive issues with trust, abandonment, emotion regulation, isolation and many more.

One of the most common symptoms, and the hardest to understand and recognise, are emotional flashbacks. These are where emotions from the past, are triggered by something occurring now. These emotional flashbacks, do not have a visual aspect to them like flashbacks many PTSD sufferers experience. When there is something visual, it is far easier to understand, this is a flashback.

When there is no visual component, most survivors just feel they are having intense emotions, and really not understand why. They may seem ‘over-dramatic’ in their emotions and those close to the survivor, will see these intense emotions are not rational.

Once I realised I was experiencing emotional flashbacks, I began to work on understanding and recognising them, as they were occurring. Which was a very challenging and long process. It required a lot of effort and a willingness, to really work on this. It was well worth the effort.

How I learned to recognise emotional flashbacks were occurring, is by having to be really honest about my intense emotions. And be really honest about whether there was something valid occurring now to cause those emotions? Or was my emotional state, not appropriate or valid, for what was occurring now? Sometimes it is. But, sometimes, it’s not.

An example of this… I saw something said on social media, that caused an intense emotional response in me. It created deep feelings of being unsafe and scared. I had to stop and think about whether the current issue actually warranted and was rationally causing these intense emotions? The answer was no, I was completely safe. So why was I feeling like a scared child? I was experiencing an emotional flashback. This due to some abusive situation in the past, that made me fearful and scared. And at ‘that’ time during the trauma, my emotional response of fear and being scared, was very rational and valid.

Then, I learned to soothe myself, by telling myself “I am safe”. And tell myself “this issue is due to my past, and not due to something occurring now”. And I learned the different ways to comfort, ground and use mindfulness, and distraction, to help me manage these emotional flashbacks and the intense emotions triggered. Continue reading


Dealing with hurt & grieving, by honoring my valid emotions ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Often people feel their ‘negative’ emotions, are wrong, bad, weak. This is wrong. Emotions are valid, needed and without expressing them, we do not heal.

I am currently grieving the loss of a significant relationship. One I did not think would end for a long time yet.. But one, with reflection, I can see was going to end. And in the way it has.

I am feeling that loss. In the deep and painful way, I always feel loss, grieving, abandonment, hurt.

tears

 

I have finally got to that place, where I no longer feel weak, for having these intense emotions. They are part of who I am. They are why I am empathic. They are why I care so much and they motivate me to try to help others.

My intense emotions, are not weakness. I don’t hurt anyone when I feel them. I don’t hold onto them indefinitely.

But, I honor my capacity to feel emotions deeply.

They are a strength, not a weakness.

So, I have learned to accept them and not push them down or away.I have learned to feel them.

I have learned when I feel I would rather be dead, this is simply a way I cope due to the severity of my trauma history. No-one would want to endure anymore trauma, following decades of suffering.

I have learned to have self care, while these deep emotions are being felt.

I am allowed to grieve the loss of a significant relationships. I am allowed to feel hurt, abandoned and cry.

I am allowed to let this grieving period, take as long as it takes.

I know I’ll survive this. I always do.

My record for surviving pain, suffering, loss and trauma…. is 100%.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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