Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


suicide pain

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

4 thoughts on “

  1. You have everything to live for, Lilly. Don’t do what I’m afraid you’re thinking of doing.

  2. I would like to add something about the abandonment of all hope.
    A lot of people who have never been through that-thankfully- cannot understand the process behind abandonment of all hope.
    It is not a choice, it is not pessimism. It’s a series of wounds. A stack of wounds. A person keeping on going most of the time trying one’s best to ignore the pain, to keep on going, fighting.
    But there is just as much as one can endure. Sometimes we know that we way passed our limits. Sometimes we have that feeling that it’s gonna go bad, we don’t know when, whe don’t know how, it’s a gut feeling.
    But what drives us all in that abandonment of all hope is one more wound, or a wound that didn’t heal and reopens a bit, and that is so painful, so incredibly overwhelming it kicks out of our minds everything and takes all the place. Hope is abandonned because there is no place left for anything else but plain full power pain.

    I also want people to remember that the brain processes psychological pain and physical pain in the same brain area. To the brain, whether it’s psychological or physical, it is pain that it is processing, or should I say, no longer able to process. Our brain is hijacked by pain, it’s a power outage, it’s too much power, it’s…Too much for our body and mind to process to handle to “get over”.

    The last thing we need is to be patronized about how what we did , we might do will sadden, rip and destroy our loved ones.

    We do not have place to process that either. All there is in our brain body and mind is 100% pain, there is no place for anything else.

    Do not ever judge someone who goes through that. “You have kids, how could you?” “Your husband!! Did you think about him?”

    No, we did not, because we cannot. Pain is all that is left. It does not mean in any way whatsoever that we do not love our precious ones, it is that our brain is up to such a point that our loved ones are no longer in our mind: Again, pain is taking all the place, and even more place that there actually is.

    Love ♥

    • This comment by whitemoontsukishiro is helping me to better understand my severe episodes of “suicidal ideation”.

      Understanding leads to greater
      self compassion & the ability to better manage my suicidal ideation episodes.

      The episodes feel like a wound being torn open & set on fire.

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