Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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The shame of attachment to your therapist

I thought my current painful emotions, were grieving and feeling abandoned. Until reading this..

“The shame that often goes with strong attachment to your therapist. Shame is a sad consequence of trauma. There is no reason to feel ashamed of caring about a person who has been very helpful to you. The reason for the shame is usually that, long ago, a child yearned for closeness with someone who could not or would not give it. Faced with repeated rejection, we naturally internalize the value that to yearn is bad. The conscience then generates feelings of shame every time we find ourselves having longing feelings.” (link at end of blog)..

Now,  after reading this, I realise there are also deep feelings of shame. I did try to voice my feelings, and completely humiliated myself. I realise the feelings of humiliation, are shame.

I would do anything to take back what I said. I should have kept those feelings to myself.

I think there are many areas of shame, due to my childhood, that I have not dealt with.

And now I have no-one to talk about them to. Continue reading


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Sometimes, I am very fragile

fragile 1

 

It isn’t ‘popular’ to admit you are fragile. Abuse survivors are expected to be ‘strong’ all the time. In fact, we are expected to be stronger than those who have not endured much suffering. Which is bizarre in itself.

I have come to realise, we live in a very emotionally invalidating and abandoning society. And I don’t follow society, in ways I know is causing harm.

I have the courage to admit, I am really fragile at times. One of those times is now.

And I need self compassion. I need to take care of myself, while I try to deal with everything that has caused me to feel so fragile right now. Continue reading