I thought my current painful emotions, were grieving and feeling abandoned. Until reading this..
“The shame that often goes with strong attachment to your therapist. Shame is a sad consequence of trauma. There is no reason to feel ashamed of caring about a person who has been very helpful to you. The reason for the shame is usually that, long ago, a child yearned for closeness with someone who could not or would not give it. Faced with repeated rejection, we naturally internalize the value that to yearn is bad. The conscience then generates feelings of shame every time we find ourselves having longing feelings.” (link at end of blog)..
Now, after reading this, I realise there are also deep feelings of shame. I did try to voice my feelings, and completely humiliated myself. I realise the feelings of humiliation, are shame.
I would do anything to take back what I said. I should have kept those feelings to myself.
I think there are many areas of shame, due to my childhood, that I have not dealt with.
And now I have no-one to talk about them to.