Throughout my work, online, my website, my social media…. I have a lot of survivors express the abuse and harm they have endured. This harm can be from the abusers, from the family/friends/people who ignored it, from people who victim shamed and victim blamed, from religious people, from unhealthy therapists…. the list is endless.
Whenever someone shares their pain, and what they are enduring, I always say I am so sorry they have endured this. And they did not deserve this, in any way.
I say I am so sorry – because I may be the only person who says that. I may be the only person who validates their pain. I may be the only person who says they never deserved it.
Saying ‘I am so sorry’ are powerful words. Often abuse survivors never hear those words. Often all survivors hear is denial, excuses, minimization, and a range of other harmful and toxic responses.
And I always truly mean it. I am so sorry that any person is abused.
I always mean it when I say the person did not ever deserve it.
Abuse survivor are often re-traumatised and re-victimised, by the inappropriate words, attitudes and behaviours of others.
It’s so painful to be abused, and then treated badly…. when you desperately need someone to listen, believe you and just be there in an appropriate way.
From my own painful experiences, I know the damage of not having appropriate support and to be harmed further. I’ve been dealing with this, since childhood.
So, I always say ‘I am so sorry you endured this’. And ‘You never deserved it’. ‘This should never have happened to you’.
Because those words are needed for many. And I know many have responded how needed and comforting those words are to hear.
I am thankful to be someone, who can express these words, and mean it.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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