Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

So over the victim shaming, shame shifting rhetoric, from ‘professionals’


It is becoming increasingly evident to me, of the rhetoric within the mental health profession, of focussing on the how the victim of harmful toxic behaviour ‘should’ think respond, react. And shaming them for reacting with emotions such as anger.

Within the last few weeks, I have faced seeing a book written by a mental health professional stating ‘there are no victims, there are no villains’. ‘There are no angels there are no demons’. (Note ‘there are no angels implies the victim is somehow at fault and minimizing the responsibility of the perpetrator). With no clarification this is only referencing your average families, with average behaviours. No clarification this not at all appropriate for situations where intentional ongoing abuse is occurring.

There are indeed victims and villains, angels and demons and it is incredible toxic to suggest differently.

I’ve also been following a page of a well know marriage guidance mental health profession team – a husband and wife team – with the perfect marriage – telling everyone else how they should act and respond. As per their rhetoric – you ‘should never’ respond to anything from your spouse, with accusations, contempt, anger etc. No matter what they are doing.  You should always remain calm, and not upset the other person. Criticising, contempt, accusations of ‘any’ kind – makes ‘you’ the bad person. Again – no clarification that this only applies to your average, surface, minor marriage issues. So as per this duo, you should never respond to an affair, constant lying, constant disrespect, emotional abuse etc from your partner – with anger, disgust, contempt, criticism etc.

Total bullshit. You have every right to be angry, to criticise toxic behaviour and show contempt and disgust…. for intentional abusive behaviour.

Both of these attitudes perpetuated by these ‘professionals’ are about invalidating, normalising and minimizing abusive behaviour….. and shifting the focus and responsibility away from the perpetrator and shaming the victim for their needed, normal and human appropriate responses.

So, as per these professionals, you are supposed to never accept you are being victimised, remain completely calm, not be angry with the perpetrator, and just remain calm and zen like and not upset the perpetrator, in any way. Or define they as abusers. And if you do – you are the bad person.

See the shame shifting there. I see it clearly.

It’s all about shaming the victim, who must not even identify with being a victim, as then they will be shamed for not being a strong, calm, always patient person, who must never upset the person causing harm.

And where is the focus on the perpetrator….. that’s right…. there is none. They are not abusers, they are not villains, they are not needing criticism or contempt. No matter what they do, how often they do it, how intentional the abuse is, or how much harm they cause.

What’s even worse, is seeing how many people are buying into this toxic bullshit.



Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “So over the victim shaming, shame shifting rhetoric, from ‘professionals’

  1. Reblogged this on 'Enability' blog.

  2. Reblogged this on FotoJennic and commented:
    we aren’t buying your toxic bullshit shaming anymore!

  3. Totally agree with this post!!

    They are Flying Monkeys.

    They are Abusers who are trying to cover up their own abuse.

    They are extremely ignorant!!

    Thank you for informing us about them and for calling them out on their toxic ignorant bullshit!!

  4. Concur! Shaming invalidates the sufferer and only causes deeper harm. Compassion is key. Thank you.