Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I am so sick of people projecting their needs, onto me.


It’s interesting how as an abuse survivor, you are meant to speak up for yourself, speak about what has happened, what you have endured. This is deemed as being ’empowered’.

Yet when you do speak up, you have to defend what you say, against people who want to ‘re-word’ and ‘re-frame’ your experiences. Invalidating and minimizing in the process. Which is about ‘their’ needs and not mine.

Even though the abuse being discussed is what ‘I’ endured, not them.

I am really tired of it.

I am really over it.

What is the point of speaking up, to be told you’re not speaking about this – the way someone else wants to hear it?

This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me want to give up.

It makes me want to just keep everything to myself.

Isn’t it bad enough to endure everything I have endured? And then have to talk about it all. To then be told how I speak about it, is not the way someone else wants to hear it.

I am really over people projecting their needs onto me. Projecting how they want life viewed, for their own self centred needs.

I’m too tired for anymore of this.

tired woman 3





Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

8 thoughts on “I am so sick of people projecting their needs, onto me.

  1. Nobody knows…how can they not see… their brain doesnt let them.. mine didnt i took 6 years of abuse with every breath of every waking moment.. i guess i convinced myself the abuse was just against me…to survive to try an give two little children hope.. When my six year old came out and put a stop to it.. They still allowed it to happen twice a week for three years unsupervised..I was told to keep my mouth closed ..exact words .”You do not want to open a can of worms you got a decision in your favor”…… They gave placement of a 1 year old girl and 6 year old Autistic (?) ( Cant say Truma PTSD)… they gave placement to a disabled 57 year old survivor of terminal cancer….. Imagine how bad it was ..the stuff that was easily document/proven and the insane lies repeated against clear evidence..2 years ago i managed to get 40 hours a week of in home services for children 20 each…. so they got into the mothers house because we had to keep up the 20 hours or we would lose them… Previous six years she have denied services to autistic (?) child…For two years and dozen of mandated reports… Finally 9 months ago she was place on supervised visits.. Within a month a 9 year old boy had a miracle from 25 incidents a day of self abuse and dozens of negitive self statements and several full blown crying tantrums a day….thats just at school being tracked by teachers and IEP team…In home worker reports.. Pediatrican.. video.. texts…..

    Sometimes i have to DARE and talk about the evidence of a situation and im scared and can feel people upset for answering their questions……..If i told the stories of what happened the ones not recorded or texts or recorded .. or reported by school and in HBTS in home workers……

    If i told the stories of what happened youd couldnt believe me.. i would never have lived thru that ..if it was like that i would have obviously left…
    Your/ their brain cant eat chicken or steak and live in that world or horror…Nobody would want to step into my/horror … Why would they.. I am taking care of two small kids ,,,,,

    This site .. i think is one of a couple that i have written these rants to…. You know how to say how bad it is….Thank you ..Victor.. ps i never reread anything i type or i would never send anything

  2. Lilly, I’m so sorry you have to deal with a relentless stream of ignorant, toxic, dysfunctional, control freaks!!!

    Control freaks are always dumping their unsolicited opinions on people.

    But there’s a saying:
    “Opinions are like butt holes,
    everyone’s got one.”

    So really these butt holes are just making fools out of themselves when they start trying to control you!!!

  3. I’m sorry to hear this. I can imagine how frustrating this may be–to finally get up your courage to tell your story only to be gaslighted–made to think that what you experienced didn’t happen or not the way you said it did or that your experience shouldn’t be talked about simply because THEY don’t want to hear the truth. You have to consider who THEY are–narcissists and flying monkeys, no doubt. I wonder what would happen if you simply did not defend your experience and instead said something like, “I’m sorry my experience doesn’t project how you view life or meets your particular needs.” Before you give up, think of all the people that you help with this blog. I, for one, read your posts regularly and find them very validating. Don’t let them stop you which is exactly what the enemy wants to do–to silence you. Continue to speak!

  4. What is so sad is the only support is from blogs my whole family has turned on me labeldown a dopper,I get it the isolation, then I find out my brain is full no room to process anything,but the cup theory says we can make it better ,,,no stress ,,a stress free life ugggggg 43 yrs of devotion to my family let me get sick I look like beagle with cotton mouth,they run like rats ,I’m new to all of this my brain shut down 2 months ago ,I have no insurance, I’m medicaly smart,with the hours of studying I’m c ptsd,ocd,with high functioning anxiety /panic attacks, ,doomed,I think I’m gonna make a instruction manual an hang around my neck,,there needs to be a place for us to go if my brain could put it together I’d be gone,I’ve never been so lonely in all my life,I’m the owner of a elderly foster care home an I’m in worse shape,,let’s keep in touch,my name is Deann

  5. Pingback: I am so sick of people projecting their needs, onto me. – whitemoontsukishiro

  6. I had that experience BIG TIME with my family. Any time I tried to speak up, it wasn’t the ‘right time’ to do so, because they were going through some much more serious issue. My complaints were just making their pain so much worse, instead of vice versa. Then, if I didn’t assert my rights, it was ‘my fault’ for not speaking up! I’m soooooooooo sick of them. NO CONTACT from here on out.

  7. True!! My mother tells me I should write a book, yet if I did she’d be the 1st to attack my experience. Even my sister, whom I love dearly and rely on, denies my experience. It’s easier to deny than to feel. Keep feeling!!

  8. I understand and I am so sorry.
    Keep speaking your truth ❤

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