Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

A conversation that shows how people defend perpetrators and ignore the victim ~ Lilly Hope Lucario




I have a ladies group I organise and attend and a very interesting conversation recently occurred. The conversation was about the increase in armed robberies, in fast food places, within our area.

As it was being discussed, I noticed not one person commented on the trauma of having a  gun or a knife etc, in your face. And how most of the fast food staff are young, and how this would feel.

Not one.

But, several spoke of the ‘reasons’ aka ‘excuses’ for the armed robbery. One woman stated it was probably motivated by drugs and how awful it must be to be a drug addict. One said you must be a very desperate person to need to do that.

But no mention of the victims…

When ‘I’ mentioned the trauma this armed robbery would cause the victims, no-one bothered to consider that and it was immediately dismissed. It was dismissed in particular by one woman who really believed she was ‘so compassionate’ and ‘non judgmental’ to be thinking of the perpetrator, yet she showed NO compassion to those victimised.

It really re-iterated how screwed up people’s thinking is.

And how people often will jump straight to the perpetrators defence, but show no empathy for the person traumatised by this intentional act of crime and harm.

This is not about compassion….. this is about what people need to do, to make life seem better than it is, and so they can believe heinous people and the heinous harm they do to others, seem not so bad. Or make themselves ‘feel good’ about being nice to perpetrators. All self serving and deluding themselves as to the real motivations for their thinking.

If anyone has REAL empathy and compassion – they would put themselves in the shoes of the victim, and see the horror and trauma the victim has been subjected to. But, they don’t want to think about that…. because that is about dealing with reality and the truth about the deep harm people choose to inflict on others. So easier ignored.

So whenever I see this situation occur, I am always really disappointed by humanity and the selfish motivations of people’s actions and their lack of self insight. It is such self serving behaviour and such a lack of depth of thinking and any real empathy and compassion.

And I also see how these selfish actions, leave the victims with no support. Having their trauma invalidated, trivialised, minimised and how painful that is. Whilst seeing all the ‘compassion’ being shown to the perpetrator – who made choices to harm someone else.

It is truly bizarre and screwed up. And I have seen this so many times. It is so common in society to side with the perpetrator, make excuses for them and minimize the harm caused.

I hold onto knowing, there are people out there, who understand how wrong this is. How painful this is to victims of trauma. And how in not defending and showing compassion to the victim – they fail the victim.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “A conversation that shows how people defend perpetrators and ignore the victim ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. It is absolutely right that they do this to make themselves feel better and to ease their own fears.

    It always shocks me how blind people are to abuse and trauma.

    And how critical toward victims they are until, of course, they are victimized themselves.

    • Yes, I can cut through what they are saying their motivations are, through to the real motivations for people acting in this way.
      Often people justify their wrong/unhealthy thinking, any way they can.
      Many people are very content with not being truthful, and not choosing to have self insight.
      I see the bigger picture and the damage it causes.
      Lilly ❤

  2. I’m just starting to understand how CPTSD manifests itself in my day to day living. Only recently diagnosed after a lifetime of pain, confusion and abuse.