Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


2 Comments

Physical & Sexual Abuse, Nearly Always Occur With Emotional & Psychological Abuse At The Same Time

dsc_2105-016

I find it very lacking in empathy, when people who have not been physically or sexually abused, try to say emotional and psychological abuse, are as bad, or worse.

I have endured all of these abuse types. Both as a child and as an adult. So I do understand each type and the consequences of each type. I understand this more, than someone who hasn’t.

Most people who are abused physically and or sexually, are also abused emotionally and psychologically. So they are dealing with the pain and consequences of the multiple types of abuse being endured.

So, it would be helpful if people could understand this, and not invalidate physical and sexual abuse, in the way I see many are doing. Continue reading


Discrimination is wrong & causes trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

sad-woman-8-001

I really hate discrimination shown and hate projected at the LGBTIQ community and people of colour. It has never made sense to me, how someone being e.g. gay or transgender and/or e.g. black -makes them ‘bad people’. It is totally irrational. Yet there is much hate shown. And it causes a lot of trauma – which is not okay.

Being gay or transgender, or black etc, does not mean someone is a bad person.

My abusers (and there are multiple) – were all white, heterosexual, educated people – who would not have received any discrimination. Yet they were highly abusive, toxic people.

This taught me much about what makes a person bad…. and what doesn’t.

And interestingly, each abuser shows discrimination in some form to others. My step father was racist. The psychopath was racist and hated gay people. The church minister shows hate to the LGBTIQ community – under the guise of ‘religious beliefs’ aka twisting the Bible to show hatred. All this shows to me is their toxic personality disordered issues common in sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths, that is linked to racism, discrimination and abusive behaviours. Continue reading


3 Comments

I no longer feel anger. Just a lot of sadness & grieving ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Over the last year, I have been feeling and processing the needed emotions of anger, disgust, repulsion etc, about the abusers who intentionally caused much harm and suffering.

I did not want to go through these painful emotions. I don’t like feeling anger. It doesn’t feel safe, to feel angry. No doubt because I was never allowed to be angry, in any of the abusive situations. Any time I showed anything like anger, I was abused further. Which is typical of abusive, toxic people.

Over the last 4 years, anytime anger started to be felt, I pushed it away. I didn’t allow myself to feel it.

But, it got to the point where I had no choice but to feel these painful emotions. Plus, I had read enough about abuse and trauma, to know anger is appropriate and needed. And it was some time of that sinking in and reading that over and over, before I could allow myself these intense emotions needed.

So, I started processing the real anger and disgust required as part of healing and grieving. It was not easy. I truly did not like it. I struggled to express it in counselling. I became defensive and struggled to see that my counsellor was okay with me feeling angry. Those shame issues of feeling like I am a bad person for being angry and feeling disgust for those who abuse me. Those deep shame issues, that I should not have had to feel, but I still have. I felt like my counsellor would think less of me, if I was angry. But, that was not the case.

Now, after several weeks of noticing I no longer feel angry, I am seeing maybe this time of needed anger, is mostly processed. I don’t think I will never be angry again. I’m sure I will, as the grieving process continues on a long time. And grieving includes anger. But, I feel like these emotions will be short lived and I will be able to manage them appropriately.

It is much progress for me to be able to monitor my own emotions and see them clearly, allow them to occur, and then reflect on the change in my emotions.

I feel a lot of sadness. Sadness for me, my sisters and all the toxic people involved. I’m not in any way excusing them, or justifying their abusive actions in any way. I know they all made choices and they all intended to hurt me. And that was so painful to deal with.

But, I truly wish every person had a different life. A good life. With good thoughts. Good needs. Good relationships. Healthy lives. And they didn’t. They chose the opposite.

I also realise no-one with a healthy mind, would choose to be a toxic person, who enjoys abuse. No-one would choose to harm people, make them suffer, lie to them and lie about them. Cause further trauma and suffering in their denial and scapegoating behaviours.

No-one healthy, would choose any of that.

So, I realise I am feeling deep sadness, for all concerned.

This is not a stage of healing I will be shouting from the rooftops. Because it takes a lot of processing and grieving, to get to this stage. And demanding other people be at this stage, is wrong, hurtful and very invalidating of where many people are at. And I am okay with people being wherever they are at. Continue reading


Respect Is Earned, Not Demanded ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

dsc_2105-014

There have been a lot of toxic and abusive people in my life.

They have all assumed and demanded I respect them, yet they have no right to demand that.

No-one has to respect someone who is abusive, toxic or harmful.

And also applies to family, partners, church people, work colleagues, other abuse survivors…. anyone.

Respect is earned and people do need to earn my respect and my trust now. I do no longer blindly respect or trust anyone. I now know, it needs to be built slowly, over time, when the person concerned demonstrates behaviours and attitudes, that are worthy of respect and trust.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved.

No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.

This includes adaptations in all forms of media.