This is insight that I know and have been voicing for a few years now. Shannon Thomas is one of the mental health professionals, that gets it. She does not make excuses and rationalise in the same way many people choose.
Shannon has an amazing book, I highly recommended. I was honoured to receive a special acknowledgement and have my Website and resources recommended in her book. Shannon is a God send to many, including me.
If being abused was the reason for people to become abusers……. then every victim of abuse would become an abuser. And that is NOT the case.
Many victims of terrible and heinous abuse, neglect and abandonment…. do not become abusers. In fact, the compassion gained and the desire to never willingly hurt another person, is something I treasure in all the abuse survivors I see who become empathic and kind people.
Being abused, is not an excuse for being an abuser. Having a personality disorder like narcissistic, sociopathic, psychopathic disorders, are not an excuse to be abusers. These disorders, do NOT render someone incapable of stopping themselves abusing others. These disorders to not force people to be abusers. They make ‘choices’ to abuse others, and they do know it is wrong. They do know right from wrong. They are not insane.
I see there is more talk about how mental illness, does not make someone violent and mental illness, needs to stop being used as the excuse for abusive and violent behaviour.
It may be the easy road to say abusive people ‘can’t help it’ and blame mental illness, or blame trauma history for being abusive…….. but it not the truth.
People may delude themselves that they are being compassionate in their rationalising excuses for abusive behaviours…… but it is not compassion when it based in irrational and untrue beliefs.
People make choices. People have free will.
The fact is, some people like hurting others.
They feel better when they hurt others.
They are rewarded by their behaviours.
They want to avoid accountability.
This is why they choose their actions and why they will continue and often fail to stop.