Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Passive aggressive behaviour…. is best ignored ~ Lilly Hope Lucario



Passive aggressive behaviour, is narcissistic behaviour. It is a cowardly attempt to criticise someone, yet make it not look like it comes from a mean hearted person.

It’s the kind of covert bullying type behaviour, many will not realise is toxic.

But, when you consider why someone would not choose to comment in a positive manner, and only choose to comment to criticise, it is easy to see the heart of the issue. They can make the effort to criticise, but can’t make the effort to write something positive…

Passive aggressive people, also sometimes like to start off with a ‘positive’ and then add a “but…. ” and then the real reason they are commenting comes out.

“Behind the smile, a hidden knife!”

― Ancient Chinese saying describing

passive-aggressive behavior

When you have intuition, it is easy to work unhealthy toxic people out. They want to feel better, by bringing other people down. And sometimes in a cowardly, covert manner. They want to make it look like they are ‘nice’, but really underneath it, is a unhappy, narcissistic need, to hurt someone else. And these people can even delude themselves they are being nice, and offering ‘advice’, but that’s a lie they tell themselves. People can rationalise their unhealthy behaviours easily. I see it all the time.

If I don’t like what someone is writing, I ignore them. Unless, they address or affect me directly, I ignore them, because that is the mature way to deal with other people’s issues.

I can discern passive aggressive easily, and I can also ignore it. But, use the situation, to educate others. As my journey has become partly about – using what is meant for harm, to help others.

For more info about passive aggressive behaviour – see my previous blog https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2014/04/13/learning-more-about-passive-aggressive-behaviours/

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

9 thoughts on “Passive aggressive behaviour…. is best ignored ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. lily, your writing ability is incredible

  2. Thank you for this post and the link to the previous post. Very helpful because I have many family members who are passive aggressive bullies.

    FYI…. Also thank you for upgrading so that there are no ads…..but want to let you know there is a Travelocity ad below this post!!

    • Yes, passive aggressive behaviour is common within dysfunctional, toxic families. It is such a covert behaviour, that requires understanding, to be able to discern it.
      In my experience, if you call people out on their passive aggressive behaviour, they will deny it, scoff at you about it, act outraged, or have an immature tantrum about it.
      Rarely will people acknowledge it, or try to grow and change it. That immature level of emotional development, means growth is not common, as they choose to stay stuck there, rather than be honest about themselves.
      So, be aware of that, if calling our family on this.

      • Thank you, Lilly, for this comment you wrote because I’m struggling with severe rage and despair over being the family scapegoat and having to face the painful reality that there’s nothing I can do to defend myself or get them to acknowledge the truth.

        It’s incredibly painful to standby helpless while lies & intentional gaslighting by my narcopath mother have resulted in my brother & sister believing it and now scapegoating me too.

        The pain is unbearable. However, your comment has helped me take steps toward accepting and letting go.

      • I’m so glad the post and my comment have helped. It is so incredibly frustrating dealing with unhealthy dysfunctional people who do not intend changing. Please remember – their lack of willingness to own their issues and be honest with themselves – is all about them and is no reflection of you.
        You are absolutely deserving of being treated with respect, dignity, honesty and love……. and if they cannot or will not do this…… that is not a reflection of what you deserve.
        But, it is also needed to understand how painful it is, when this is family.
        We are allowed to feel hurt, betrayed, to grieve. These are normal reactions to other people’s toxic BS.
        So self compassion is also needed.
        Much love, Lilly❤

  3. Lilly…. FYI……The Travelocity ad disappeared after I logged into WordPress.

  4. Pingback: Learning more about passive aggressive behaviours. | Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

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