I received feedback, that my insight aligns with Alice Miller. Alice Miller is a psychologist (doctorate), who is famous for her work on child abuse and the fuller consequences of being raised by toxic parents.
To have my insight, compared to hers, is well…. wow!
I have one of her books – The Drama Of The Gifted Child – on my book recommendation list.
Alice Miller does have profound insight into psychological and emotional abuse caused by toxic parents who have disturbed characters.
This is especially relevant to me, my childhood and the consequences of it…
Alice Miller writes…………..
There was a mother who at the core was emotionally insecure, and who depended for her narcissistic equilibrium on the child behaving, or acting, in a particular way. This mother was able to hide her insecurity from the child and from everyone else behind a hard, authoritarian and even totalitarian facade.
This child had an amazing ability to perceive and respond intuitively, that is, unconsciously, to this need of the mother or of both parents, for him to take on the role that had unconsciously been assigned to him.
This role secured “love” for the child—that is, his parents’ exploitation. He could sense that he was needed, and this need, guaranteed him a measure of existential security.
This ability is then extended and perfected. Later, these children not only become mothers of their own mothers, but also take over the responsibility for their siblings and eventually develop a special sensitivity to unconscious signals manifesting the needs of others.
I realise this parentification abuse and my toxic childhood, is how I formed my empathic capacity. My intuition. My depth of thinking capacity. My capacity to see past the masks people wear – to the real issues, motivations and needs beyond the mask. And my deep fear driven need, to work people out. Because I learned this young, to survive.
Alice Miller, was herself a child abuse survivor. It is always those who have survived lived experience of horror and heinous abuse by their own parents – that understand it to a greater depth.
Alice Miller also wrote….
“I betrayed that little girl. Only in recent years, with the help of therapy, which enabled me to lift the veil on this repression bit by bit, could I allow myself to experience the pain and desperation, the powerlessness and justified fury of that abused child. Only then did the dimensions of this crime against the child I once was, become clear to me.”
I’m adding to this, which is more insight comparable to Alice Millers…
A common denominator in Miller’s writings is her explanation of why human beings prefer not to know about their own victimisation during childhood: to avoid unbearable pain.
She believed that the unconscious command of the individual, not to be aware of how he or she was treated in childhood, led to displacement: the irresistible drive to repeat abusive parenting in the next generation of children or direct unconsciously the unresolved trauma against others, or against him or herself.
I have written about all these insights Alice Miller has voiced. I have worked all these issues out myself and known the views in society that choose to deny or ignore this, are wrong and hinder healing.
To be remotely compared to Alice Miller, is a compliment I will need to digest for a while.
And maybe I need to read some more of her work. Maybe there will lie more answers and insight, I need to continue healing.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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