Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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My Inner Child’s Favourite Mug :)

I bought this mug the other day, as a little giggle to myself.

I (and my inner child) love fairies, unicorns etc. And I’ve known far too many vile human beings.

So this mug, is very appropriate. Especially for my inner child.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

🙂

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‘Maybe it’s Maybelline’ joke, still making me giggle…

Someone made me giggle on my Facebook page. And I am always up for some humour when I can feel it.

I shared the blog post about my childhood and how I was a good, decent, compassionate person – despite being raised and surrounded by toxic people.

A community member posted this…. 🙂

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Still making me giggle……. and I am completely okay with that.

I liked the “I too am bloody lovely”. Yes, we are!!!!! 😀 😀

I know I’m doing well, when I can find humour in the darkness. Continue reading


I love that I can ignore BS comments, here on WordPress :)

WordPress, have a great function, where you can select which comments are approved.

And thank God, because there are some shitty human beings in this world, who feel so entitled to say some very nasty, irrational, invalidating, victim shaming, abuser protecting/enabling….. BS.

And of course, the downright sociopathic trolls, who don’t like seeing the truth revealed and need to vomit their darkness……. from the safety of their keyboard.

And I can ignore them all on here! Yay!

Thank you WordPress! 🙂

I love the security/safety features of this blog.

🙂

 

 


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Looking at photography courses :)

I love capturing beauty all around me and taking photos of my family, my dog, my gardens. It is a way of being mindful, have gratitude and a healthy focus for my life, which is part of my healing.

I was going to start a Uni counselling degree next year, but I am delaying that for a year. I know I am not mentally up for starting a full time degree yet. I spoke to my therapist, who confirmed I am still in the processing and grieving stage, and a full time Uni course, may be too overwhelming. And certain things have occurred lately, that have shown me I may well not be able to cope with a full time, very challenging counselling course.

But, a 1 year photography diploma, I could handle.

A part time job as a photographer, would be a lovely career to start. And I could take my younger son with me on shoots. So I would not need to book things around my husbands shifts. Plus, I know how to run a business, I know how to set up a website. All things that will help.

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I know there is a 1 year diploma course, near to where I live. It’s 3 days a week. And the government may pay for the fees. So as long as that is possible and I can book a flexible place at my son’s outside school hours care facility, I could start in February.

So, this week I will be checking out all the things I need in place, to be able to commit to the course. And see if it is possible. Continue reading


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For those who love dogs :)

This made me smile and made me cry. The part at the end is very emotive.

For those who love dogs, and I know many who have had tough lives – love animals – this is for you.

Animals can be such amazing company, very therapeutic and give us joy ❀


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Love seeing beauty all around me ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Having realised I will never find peace in people, and choosing instead – to find beauty and joy around me, I love photographing beauty. Like plants. I find them so stunning.

I would love to be able to afford a photography course and decent camera. But, I do enjoy taking photos on my camera phone.

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More insights about my childhood and my sisters ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

It has become clear to me, that the only person in my childhood – who was healthy, did what was right and tried to protect my sisters, was me. All the adults were toxic, abusive, character disturbed people.

And my sisters know this deep down, even though they choose to hate me for exposing the ‘family secrets’. Even though I do this in a pen name, to protect them.

My sisters knew as children and adults – I was the one to come to. They know deep down I was the one who was there for them.

Examples…

When I was around 12, and walked in on my sister being sexually abused. Who stepped up and told our mother and her father (my step father) we were being abused? And this was a very dangerous situation, which I now know is because our mother and my step father were complicit in the sexual abuse. When I spoke up, I had no idea whether I would be taken away from my family – which was one of the threats from the paedophile who was abusing us both. But, I had that immense courage to speak up, to protect my sister. And I was emotionally and psychologically abused further and threatened by my mother and step father for speaking up. Something my sister has never shown any appreciation for. It was just expected of me to do what’s right. She couldn’t care less about the nightmares I have had for decades about seeing her face and the look of terror she had being abused. And how that has haunted me ever since, and will continue to.

When that sister got pregnant at 16, who did she come to – to tell her father? The father she claims is a decent person? The father who continued talking to the paedophile who abused us, after I stepped up and told what was happening. (Which shows what a sick individual her father is). Me. She asked ‘me’ to tell ‘her’ father, so I would cop the abuse, and she would not have to. Who stepped up for her then, again? Me. And I didn’t even hesitate in helping her. And she has done nothing but abuse me and exploit me since.

And there is the exploitation of money, which I was guilt tripped into supposedly being about finding work and needing money for car repairs. When in fact that was all lies, the money was for drugs. And the agreement made when I loaned the money  – was I was repaid a certain amount every month, and she didn’t pay one single penny back. And never intended to.Then when I got upset about this – her narcissistic soul, chose to tell me I was only upset because she had a baby and I had had a miscarriage and I was jealous of her. Which is not true, because there is nothing about her sad life, I would envy. And to throw a miscarriage in my face – is despicable of her. Especially considering she lied and sociopathically exploited me all along, and this was not the only time.

Another example…. when I moved across the other side of the world…. my younger sister didn’t speak to me for 2 years. Because she felt I had ‘abandoned her’. her words. She did not care I needed to move for me and my family. But, she knew the loss of me in her life was significant. If I wasn’t a significant loss, and I was not a good person, she would not have cared that I emigrated.

And who was there for her when she had a miscarriage? Me.

When our mother was financially abusing my sister and taking all her money off her, who stepped up and tried to speak to our mother and copped the abuse from that. Me. Continue reading


What ‘World Teachers Day’ has shown me about my child & my parenting ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

It’s World Teachers Day today. My younger son has a wonderful teacher. So, my son made a card and we bought some beautiful flowers yesterday. But, what my son wanted to give his teacher most of all – was doughnuts. Because he remembered from months ago, her saying they are her favourite food.

We couldn’t find any doughnuts yesterday and he was really disappointed. So, this morning my son gave his teacher the flowers and card (which he drew doughnuts on) and I had a request from my son, to go and keep looking and find some doughnuts and bring them at school pick up time.

I encouraged this, because this is my son knowing what is special to his teacher, and then wanting to give her this.

So, I went to the shop and bought doughnuts and he gave them to her at the end of the school day. And she was delighted with them! I could tell she felt this was really special. And I thanked her for being such an amazing teacher and how appreciated she is.

I am aware I teach my children empathy, to consider other people’s feelings and needs, and to be kind and giving. Continue reading


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I think I am becoming one of those ‘I prefer animals to humans’ people

I am aware it is not uncommon for people who have suffered and been betrayed considerably in life, to become people who love the company of animals, rather than people.

I have only this year, had a dog in my life. She’s such lovely company. She’s still a puppy, and she’s playful and a little mischievous and simply adorable.

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Animals offer that kind of love and affection, you don’t need to question. They are loyal. Traits that few people have that I have known in my life, have had.

The older I get, the less I want to spend time with people. My fortnightly ladies group, is enough people interaction for me. And I actually don’t want to get to know any of the ladies, more than needed for these group chats. I don’t want to find out things that make me anxious, or have to worry about.

I love being with my children, my dog and limited time with other people.

I do know I am introvert, who was always trying to be an extrovert, because extroverts are lorded as being how we should all be. Which is rubbish. Now, I don’t feel the need to try to be an extrovert.  Continue reading


Having a sense of humour, is vital :)

I love humour and I have a sense of humour, which has no doubt has helped me along the way, to survive.

This made me laugh, because it is so true of what I no doubt look like when trying to kill or remove big spiders, that are common here in Australia. And I can laugh at myself.

They say people with emotional intelligence – have an appropriate sense of humour.

Not the malicious bitchy type of humour some delight in……….. but healthy humour.