I’ve endured significant trauma. I’ve endured abuse of every kind, to a severe level. I was heinously abused, throughout my entire childhood. It was very courageous and brave, to endure it all and still be here.
And be a compassionate person as a result.
But, the most painful thing I have ever done, was accept the truth about my mother intentionally and consciously abusing me. And knowing my mother and step father were complicit in the child sexual abuse – within their ring of sex offender, paedophile friends.
Coming to terms with this, and
no longer making excuses,
no longer minimizing or denying the truth,
is the most courageous and bravest thing
I have ever done.
It is so painful, it has nearly killed me. I have wanted to die, rather than know this reality.
It was much easier when I made excuses. When I was in denial. When I didn’t face the truth.
People will claim excuses for abusive parents – like saying they may have been abused too – makes you a better person. That is wrong. It may feel better to make excuses, but knowing there were no excuses and seeing the reasons why it was intentional…. does not make you feel better. It’s horrendous to deal with.
It’s terribly painful, deeply traumatic to face and deal with this.
And I validate that for those who are facing the truth and dealing with the reality.
Misplaced compassion – like making excuses, does not make you a better person. And to suggest it does……. is very hurtful to those of us who have the courage to face the raw truth.
Abusing your own children in an intentional and conscious way….. is not excused by the parent’s trauma history.
There are many of us who have been heinously abused and deeply traumatised – yet we do not abuse our own children. In fact, we do everything we can, to ensure we are good parents and do everything possible to show compassion and kindness to our children.
I am a good parent, and my children are thriving, secure, cherished, empathic, great young people.
And every parent can make the choice to be a good parent. Or not.
Adding to this blog, some feedback I received, which is so thoughtful and lovely…
“Absolutely! And you are a hero with a hero’s heart, to choose to survive and deal and still be a good hearted person. 
Disillusionment is the most difficult emotion to face and get through, and so many choose not to, because it IS so incredibly painful to face and deal with all that it brings. Enlightenment, waking up, wisdom, growth, is a very painful process because it’s facing our illusions and seeing the truth, it’s disillusioning, and it’s not an easy path. It’s a hero’s path. Well done Lilly
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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October 13, 2016 at 11:46 pm
Lilly, thank you for this very empowering and wise post.
At first I believed that my parents abusing me was due to their dysfunctional childhoods so when I realized that my parents were and are INTENTIONALLY abusing me it was a shock. And very frightening.
It is Very scary to realize and see the malice of forethought and the premeditated planning that went into the acts of abuse. Pure evil.
But the even worse part was facing the reality that other people don’t see it because they are covert abusers and have scammed everyone with their fake public image. Even my siblings.
The pain of facing these truths is horrific.
It did give me some measure of relief because I could then fully see that it wasn’t me…. It was ALL them.
And I was able to completely “divorce” them – mentally and emotionally. Any longing for a mommy and daddy was gone.
So I was and still am in pain but also feeling free at the same time.
I’ve also realized that it will always be painful………..
Every time I see a mother and daughter out shopping together, laughing and hugging.
Every time I hear people talk about being able to call their parents anytime day or night for help or comfort or love.
Every time I see siblings protecting and helping each other.
And the list goes on and on and the pain remains because it is the deepest core wound there is to have evil parents and no justice, no validation as a victim of their intentional atrocities.
October 14, 2016 at 9:25 am
I completely understand and all you have stated, resonates with me.
I am still grieving everything that was done to me, and everything I never had – like a caring mother.
It is terribly painful.
Lilly ❤
October 14, 2016 at 1:03 am
It was painful for me to realize my mother had been emotionally abusing me, too, with the help of the rest of my family. 😦
October 14, 2016 at 9:24 am
It is so painful, when it is our own mother. And the way they groom other family members to abuse the targeted child, is deplorable.
Lilly ❤
October 14, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Absolutely. 😦
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January 11, 2017 at 1:28 am
To Jules, Your comment…I’m right there with you sister♥️♥️♥️I understand….it’s like you wrote down my exact thoughts. You’re not alone♥️ To Lilly, can’t thank you enough for your blog. I’m reading it all starting from you’re latest post💕