I’ve endured significant trauma. I’ve endured abuse of every kind, to a severe level. I was heinously abused, throughout my entire childhood. It was very courageous and brave, to endure it all and still be here.
And be a compassionate person as a result.
But, the most painful thing I have ever done, was accept the truth about my mother intentionally and consciously abusing me. And knowing my mother and step father were complicit in the child sexual abuse – within their ring of sex offender, paedophile friends.
Coming to terms with this, and
no longer making excuses,
no longer minimizing or denying the truth,
is the most courageous and bravest thing
I have ever done.
It is so painful, it has nearly killed me. I have wanted to die, rather than know this reality.
It was much easier when I made excuses. When I was in denial. When I didn’t face the truth.
People will claim excuses for abusive parents – like saying they may have been abused too – makes you a better person. That is wrong. It may feel better to make excuses, but knowing there were no excuses and seeing the reasons why it was intentional…. does not make you feel better. It’s horrendous to deal with.
It’s terribly painful, deeply traumatic to face and deal with this.
And I validate that for those who are facing the truth and dealing with the reality.
Misplaced compassion – like making excuses, does not make you a better person. And to suggest it does……. is very hurtful to those of us who have the courage to face the raw truth.
Abusing your own children in an intentional and conscious way….. is not excused by the parent’s trauma history.
There are many of us who have been heinously abused and deeply traumatised – yet we do not abuse our own children. In fact, we do everything we can, to ensure we are good parents and do everything possible to show compassion and kindness to our children.
I am a good parent, and my children are thriving, secure, cherished, empathic, great young people.
And every parent can make the choice to be a good parent. Or not.
Adding to this blog, some feedback I received, which is so thoughtful and lovely…
“Absolutely! And you are a hero with a hero’s heart, to choose to survive and deal and still be a good hearted person. Disillusionment is the most difficult emotion to face and get through, and so many choose not to, because it IS so incredibly painful to face and deal with all that it brings. Enlightenment, waking up, wisdom, growth, is a very painful process because it’s facing our illusions and seeing the truth, it’s disillusioning, and it’s not an easy path. It’s a hero’s path. Well done Lilly
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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