Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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For those who love dogs :)

This made me smile and made me cry. The part at the end is very emotive.

For those who love dogs, and I know many who have had tough lives – love animals – this is for you.

Animals can be such amazing company, very therapeutic and give us joy ❤


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Love seeing beauty all around me ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Having realised I will never find peace in people, and choosing instead – to find beauty and joy around me, I love photographing beauty. Like plants. I find them so stunning.

I would love to be able to afford a photography course and decent camera. But, I do enjoy taking photos on my camera phone.

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More insights about my childhood and my sisters ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

It has become clear to me, that the only person in my childhood – who was healthy, did what was right and tried to protect my sisters, was me. All the adults were toxic, abusive, character disturbed people.

And my sisters know this deep down, even though they choose to hate me for exposing the ‘family secrets’. Even though I do this in a pen name, to protect them.

My sisters knew as children and adults – I was the one to come to. They know deep down I was the one who was there for them.

Examples…

When I was around 12, and walked in on my sister being sexually abused. Who stepped up and told our mother and her father (my step father) we were being abused? And this was a very dangerous situation, which I now know is because our mother and my step father were complicit in the sexual abuse. When I spoke up, I had no idea whether I would be taken away from my family – which was one of the threats from the paedophile who was abusing us both. But, I had that immense courage to speak up, to protect my sister. And I was emotionally and psychologically abused further and threatened by my mother and step father for speaking up. Something my sister has never shown any appreciation for. It was just expected of me to do what’s right. She couldn’t care less about the nightmares I have had for decades about seeing her face and the look of terror she had being abused. And how that has haunted me ever since, and will continue to.

When that sister got pregnant at 16, who did she come to – to tell her father? The father she claims is a decent person? The father who continued talking to the paedophile who abused us, after I stepped up and told what was happening. (Which shows what a sick individual her father is). Me. She asked ‘me’ to tell ‘her’ father, so I would cop the abuse, and she would not have to. Who stepped up for her then, again? Me. And I didn’t even hesitate in helping her. And she has done nothing but abuse me and exploit me since.

And there is the exploitation of money, which I was guilt tripped into supposedly being about finding work and needing money for car repairs. When in fact that was all lies, the money was for drugs. And the agreement made when I loaned the money  – was I was repaid a certain amount every month, and she didn’t pay one single penny back. And never intended to.Then when I got upset about this – her narcissistic soul, chose to tell me I was only upset because she had a baby and I had had a miscarriage and I was jealous of her. Which is not true, because there is nothing about her sad life, I would envy. And to throw a miscarriage in my face – is despicable of her. Especially considering she lied and sociopathically exploited me all along, and this was not the only time.

Another example…. when I moved across the other side of the world…. my younger sister didn’t speak to me for 2 years. Because she felt I had ‘abandoned her’. her words. She did not care I needed to move for me and my family. But, she knew the loss of me in her life was significant. If I wasn’t a significant loss, and I was not a good person, she would not have cared that I emigrated.

And who was there for her when she had a miscarriage? Me.

When our mother was financially abusing my sister and taking all her money off her, who stepped up and tried to speak to our mother and copped the abuse from that. Me. Continue reading