So ready to learn all I can about photography :)

I am excited to start a new career, that will be my own business, and I can work it around my health, my children, my husbands shifts.

I am booked on a crash course – at beginning of December – in how to use a DSLR camera, and I can’t wait. I’m reading all I can and have ‘exposure’, ‘aperture’ and ‘ISO’ spinning round in my head. Then I will progress to more courses next year, to learn all I can.

Buying my new super doper camera this week, and I have no doubt I will become obsessed with it and drive my family nuts, making them pose for practice shoots.

I think this will be a new challenge for me, a new focus which is about nice, lovely, healthy, fun times, where I can also make some money in the future.

YouTube has become my new latest best friend, because everything to do with photography can be found there. And I’m a research girl…. if something is important to me – I can be guaranteed, to find out as much as possible.

I always will be asking some photographers, is I can tag along to some shoots, to simply watch and observe all they do. And how they set it all up and interact with the clients.

I think photography, will suit my personality, as I am creative, I know how to run a small business, and I know how to interact with babies, children and adults, having previously run a successful child care business.

No-one gets to judge if a complex trauma survivor is not ‘strong enough’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I discussed in counselling today how much stronger I am feeling atm.

But, I also discussed how people who have endured complex trauma, have different abilities to heal and recover. For many reasons, which are of no fault of their own.
And how wrong it is, when people assume every single complex trauma survivor ‘must’ be a stronger survivor and a healing success story.

Which is so wrong. And shames many in the process. …

 I see society, too many mental health professionals, and too many people who have been abused, believe that every person who has been abused horrifically – must be somehow stronger than those who have not endured complex trauma.

 Which doesn’t even make sense. Often survivors are held up to standards of strength and courage – non complex trauma survivors are not even expected to demonstrate.

 Many complex trauma survivors – will not become healed strong survivors.
Many barely survive the trauma.
Many complex trauma survivors will struggle every day.
And that IS OKAY.
And how dare anyone say it is not.

Some complex trauma survivors will be deeply affected to a severe level, all their lives.
And NO-ONE should be judging them as weak, or making them feel they are not ‘good enough’ or comparing them to others.

 Regardless of how much healing I can achieve, I will NEVER make others feel shame, for not healing to the same level. And I will never put myself or others up on platforms/ pedestals – as ‘healing success stories’.

 And NO-ONE should be comparing people – either positively or negatively.
Complex trauma survivors have suffered enough.
Stop shaming them, for not being what anyone else expects, or demands.
And stop putting other people who have recovered in full, up on pedestals – making those who for no fault of their own – cannot achieve the same, feel shame.

 And my counsellor agreed – this is absolutely correct and a greater level of empathy, than many are capable of.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Increasing emotional resilience ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I always know how I am doing when I am tested. Recently two issues came up, that even 6  months ago – would have reduced me to an emotional wreck.

And yet, I have remained calm, and focussed on what I need to do to stay that way.

Trust issues and people lying/misleading/manipulating me – are always triggers. Yet, now I have come to understand I don’t need to trust anyone, only myself. I’ve let go of any need to trust anyone else.

And I have come to the point of knowing, other people’s issues – are not my issues. I don’t need to internalise them. I can understand – that is their issues and I can see they are in no way, a reflection of me, or my worth.

I also assumed I would feel very emotional about a sociopath who has caused me trauma, via cyber abuse, threats, intimidation and stalking, going to jail. Yet, again, I was calm, thankful, yet not emotional.

I am definitely able to deal with my emotional reactions and triggers, far better atm.

I am also far better at self care, and taking my focus away from trauma related issues. Which I have no doubt has increased by emotional resilience.

I am titanium – I’ve endured hell…. alone.

I’ve survived a lot.

I’ve suffered a lot.

But, I am a strong, courageous survivor, who has always survived the hell on earth – alone.

And I will always survivor whatever comes my way.

Alone.

 

“You are a powerful voice for survivors” ~ NAMI Oregon

 

Date: o8/11/16