I have made no secret of the fact that I have been very conflicted about my faith.
I cannot and will not ever reconcile a loving God, who allows suffering. Who allows children to suffer…. starve to death, be abused to death, to suffer over long periods of time.
I cannot accept this.
I no longer consider myself a Christian. I do believe in God, but I don’t believe in God being a pure, loving God.
I cannot be a hypocrite and say people who enable abuse are terrible people, and then say God – who does the same – is a good God.
I will never be okay with any being who allows children to suffer.
I am okay with other people being Christians…. as long as they do not try to tell me my truth is wrong. Because they do not get to demand their beliefs are the only answer – when they have absolutely no proof to back it up.
I’m not a hypocrite and enabling abuse, watching abuse and doing nothing – is not ever okay, not ever excusable, not ever good.
I’ve endured a lot of severe and painful abuse – where people knew what was happening and did nothing to stop it and sided with abusers. Including ‘Christians’.
I will NEVER be okay with that. And I will never be okay with people who demand I be okay with this. Which is one reason I have quit Christian counselling. I cannot trust someone who wants me to believe it’s okay for God to have watched all that happened to me……. and did nothing – and I am supposed to be okay with that.
Not ever gonna happen. It is the ultimate betrayal. The ultimate abandonment. And I do not have to be accepting of this.
Some people will not be okay with this, but I am always honest and transparent in my journey and this is my reality and my truth.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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