Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Processing abusive ‘victim blaming’ rhetoric I endured in counselling. Again ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


I’m aware of the levels of victim shaming, victim blaming and shame shifting that goes on in society. Especially with church people.

I’ve recently had it in counselling. Again. I wasn’t okay as it was said and I’m far from okay with it now. Often it takes me time to work out why something was not okay. And it’s one of several reasons for quitting counselling.

My counsellor – in a highly un-empathic way and insensitive way  – decided to label all I have done online and here on my blog over the last 4 years, as me being ‘seduced by trauma’.

So in other words, I ‘chose’ to keep myself in a state of thinking about trauma. Which is utter fucking BS. I have severe PTSD and I have no choice in thinking about trauma. I spent 2 decades from 20-40 desperately trying to avoid thinking about trauma. So to suggest I have been willingly making myself think about trauma, is disgusting.

Doing all I have done online, in many ways has saved my life. I had a breakdown, due to church people abusing me, which pushed me over the edge of coping. My writing, reaching out, my work online, all became a way for me to cope. Because only online, did I find anyone who ‘gets it’.

And it is such re-traumatising language. ‘Seduced by trauma’. What a pathetic attempt at victim blaming, victim shaming. It’s the same abusive rhetoric paedophile priests use to blame the children for ‘seducing’ them. It’s the same abusive rhetoric many abusive and toxic people use, to victim blame.

But, that’s church people for you. Victim blaming and victim shaming is what many of them choose to believe in.

I am so done with listening to other people’s BS. And letting people harm me further.

I would never suggest a complex trauma survivor – who in the middle of trying to process severe complex trauma and grieve severe complex trauma – is willingly being ‘seduced by trauma’.

I’m seriously fucking over this abusive rhetoric.

And I am seriously fucking over explaining empathy to people who should already have it, but don’t.

It also makes me wonder what else she believes was my own fault? Maybe she believes all the abuse I have suffered – was my own fault? Maybe she believes the abuse was in some way what I deserved.

Who knows.

Who fucking even cares.

I don’t.

Not anymore.

I’m done.

‘Trust no-one’.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

9 thoughts on “Processing abusive ‘victim blaming’ rhetoric I endured in counselling. Again ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. Wow that’s such an awful thing to say.. And that’s supposed to be a professional, right? I’m glad you quit going to that person.. It’s sad that they can’t help you but if it goes like this it’s better to stay away from all their negativity, it will only make everything worse. Such harmful thinking, only people who never endured traumas can think like that. That person doesn’t have empathy, can’t imagine for a tiny bit what it’s like.

    I think it’s very good that you write. It seems like a healthy coping style (much better than automutilating for example). And you help people with it, support others with it. Just because we’re trying to make something of our lives despite the traumas, doesn’t mean we want to be ‘special’. You don’t want to be traumatized and no not even for ‘all the (mostly negative!) attemtion you get with it’.

    • Thank you ❤

      I am so used to victim shaming/blaming rhetoric – it's been a part of my life since I can ever remember.

      I try to remember people are limited by their own life experiences, and by their own belief systems, but it still hurts.

      It's time to move on and I have to deal with that.

  2. This post is a life saver for me because I’m feeling profound despair and hopelessness about the way all the people in my life treat me as a pathetic loser who’s choosing to wallow in abuse trauma of the past.

    But of course when something happens to them they expect sympathy and attention. And of course the things that happen to them are minor compared to child rape & abuse.

    My despair and rage are so great I can’t processes it or climb out of it right now.

    Thank you for giving a voice to what so many of us are experiencing.

  3. While researching empathy one day I came across this wonderful quote…..

    “You don’t need religion to have morals. If you can’t determine right from wrong, you lack empathy, not religion.”
    – Anonymous/Unknown

  4. How freaking insensitive of counselor to label you with such a cruel remark. I am so glad you quit her. I had several so called christian counselors who did more harm than good. When I finally got out of church/cult & cut ties with sick doctrines of dead men, I saw a psychiatrist & God never came up in my time working with her. Lilly, I can’t imagine how angry & sad you must feel, please flush her “seduced by trauma” right down the toilet. Your blog is balm to wounded hearts, your common sense is authentic, you have a gift with being able to express yourself & you throw out many life lines to the likes of us who have been abused. I can’t resist being catty about counselor, I just wonder if she is jealous of your blogs success & how many people you have helped? Wonder if she has a pseudo messiah complex? I saw that in several counselors. Take care, lots of us here who have your back & appreciate all you write.

  5. I am so used to victim blaming and victim shaming rhetoric now, that I expect it from most people.
    I cannot keep dealing with it from people who I am meant to trust.
    People always reveal who they really are over time.
    Lilly ❤

  6. A friend of mine once lost her baby very late in her pregnancy, and a counselor had the audacity to tell her it was her fault. Fuck. That. It’s why I’ve been so reluctant to see that out, because I’m extremely sensitive, have been gaslit my entire life, and do not need someone blaming me for my experiences. Why is it he people who should be empathetic and understanding, whom we’re literally paying to be like that aren’t?

  7. Girl, you rock….I have read your stuff for a bit now…I love your honesty and its really helped keep my head on straight..I have my own horror stories of so called christian therapists colluding with my abusive husband..blaming and shaming me…I left the church too…I am struggling with CPTSD and I beat myself up because I am not over what happened to me….I have a counseling degree, credentials, yadayahda…head knowledge does not equal recovery…so, I share that b/c I am very aware of what is professional and ethical and what is not, what I experienced with these so called counselors was pure evil abuse….they colluded with my narc husband even though they knew he was abusing me…he manipulated them, they allowed him to….if they were so f….. skilled and so spiritual, then the Holy Spirit, I believe, would have allowed them to see his bullshit, especially affter we sat in both their offices and he ADMITTED he was a Dr Jekyll and mr. Hyde…they both heard me tell what he was doing to me, and they still colluded with him….what kind of satanic manipulation is that….I was suicidal, I was a total mess…and the therapist blamed me, she said I was playing cat and mouse, the gotcha game with my husband rather than focusing on my issues….its a long story….but, in the end of it all…they made him far worse, even more arrogant, narcissistic and dangerous to my mental state…I actually am shocked that I made it out alive….it is only through His mercy and grace…ppl are shocked when I share only a little of what transpired while living in the house…only those that have gone through it understand what a miracle we are that are still alive and can function somewhat…I want to encourage you and others reading to honor the God given gut instinct….I am learning how men actually changed scriptures from the original Hebrew language to keep women subservient…a book I am reading is entitled Guardian Angel…by Skip Moen, a Hebrew scholar. We women are amazing creatures…I want to encourage all reading to seek out who you are as a creation of Yahweh, the Almighty…the Word says the “My ppl perish for lack of knowledge…this info is a game changer…the enemy is working really hard to destroy human beings and keep ppl in darkness…you are reading this blog b/c like me, you are seeking Truth and Healing…even Yeshua did not trust ppl b//c He knew what was in their hearts…truth Him…He WILL be faithful to complete the GOOD work HE began in you….sorry this is so long, it hit a nerve deep in me….stand firm in who you are…beautiful, intelligent intuitive creations…the more real we are, the more of a threat to the dark kingdom…be light! Shalom…