I am an intuitive, emotional person, who cares deeply about others, feels others pain and worries a lot about people being harmed. I am a very empathic person and I know that has caused me a lot of problems, in the last 45 years.
I have been processing trauma and grieving it, for the last 5 years. It’s horrendous and I make no apology for not minimizing the horrific nature of processing severe abuse and every type of abuse. I only deal with honesty, truth and reality.
But, I don’t intend and never did intend – giving this horrific stuff room in my life, forever.
So, it’s time to toughen up.
I will continue to do my part, on my social media etc. But, my boundaries are really strong now, and I don’t tolerate anything unhealthy or toxic. And I have no issue with removing unhealthy people – because I know they are not in any way my responsibility to fix or heal. Gone are the days when I felt responsible for unhealthy people.
And for that – I make no apology.
2017, will be the year I care only about what ‘I’ actually need to care about. For my life. For my children. For my future.
I need to focus on certain things that I know will push me in terms of coping – like my photography course. So, I need to evaluate what is important and ignore and remove all that is not.
I won’t cope well unless I prioritise and get rid of anything that is not imperative to my succeeding in becoming a professional photographer. That, and my children – are my main focus and the only things I actually need to focus on. My course affects my future and the future of my children. So, nothing is more important than that.
The other things in my life – like blogging, writing, my book, social media, will be reduced down to what I can cope with. I already take weekends off social media, and that will be extended to a few days in the week off too. And whatever I can do online – will be enough – whatever that may be and however little that may need to be. If necessary – I will takes weeks off, and that is the way it will be. And healthy people, will be okay with that. And the rest – can take a hike. I have no time or energy for selfish people any more.
I will no longer be spending time worrying, getting upset or thinking about the things that make me sad. I will no longer be writing about toxic people, unless I really need to. I’ve written enough about toxic people and abusers – to last a lifetime. I don’t intend to have them being a main focus in my life.
I am still grieving certain people and certain periods of my abuse trauma history – but, I don’t intend that being for much longer.
I am giving myself until the end of January – to grieve – and then that’s it.
Then it’s time to focus on the new chapter of my life – and that will be carefully balanced – to ensure I cope and succeed.
2017, will be nothing like the rest of my life has been.
2017, will be an amazing year.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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