Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Even therapists like to gaslight.

5 Comments

I know gaslighting and I know toxic people love to use this manipulation and dishonesty tactic, to harm people.

Gaslighting is when someone distorts the reality of a situation, to either not take responsibility, or to abuse someone further.

Saying ‘I don’t remember that’, or ‘that is not what I remember’ is a gaslighting way of basically telling someone their truth, is not truth.

They often only conveniently remember certain parts of conversations, and choose to pretend the rest did not occur. And of course, the part they conveniently don’t remember – is the part where they did wrong, hurt someone, abused someone etc.

It takes courage and self honesty to admit fully when wrong, and when a person has hurt someone. Most people don’t have that courage or capacity for honesty.

I have the insight and discernment capacity that is not common and I will and do work things out.

My therapist conveniently only remembers what she wants to remember and is ignoring the part where she was inappropriate, emotionally abusive and highly unprofessional. I’m sure saying I have chosen to be ‘seduced by trauma’ is not in her notes.

And along with that, is no conscience, no shame, no regret, no remorse, no empathy.

I do realise this is why she has a hard time saying people who lie, manipulate, gaslight etc – are abusers. And the reason is – because she does that too. And to say those behaviours are abusive – means she would have to admit she is abusive as well. And she can’t do that. Because that would tarnish her ‘reputation’ and self belief that she is freakin amazing. As she loves people to tell her. She has a big ego about her own self importance.

And this is why she likes being around abusers. Why she normalises their behaviour.

It’s all very clear now.

And this is the last time I will write about her, because she isn’t worth me writing about.

She’s a toxic, victim blaming, victim shaming, shame shifting, abuser excuser church person, as I knew deep down all along.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

5 thoughts on “Even therapists like to gaslight.

  1. Lilly I’m so sorry that you’ve been subjected to this abuse from her!!

    You are absolutely correct in your analysis of what she’s done and who she is.

    This is ALL on her.
    Your feelings of anger & hate are valid and justified.

    You are not seduced by trauma.
    You are telling the truth about abuse and abusers.

    You are a role model for courage.

  2. OMGosh!! I never thought of a counselor as being abusive, but now that I think about it….. of course it can happen! But, really, how does one know if that is happening!!? Thanks for sharing your story.

  3. You are absolutely right about this Lilly. There are many therapists out there who either haven’t worked through their shit or are quite pathological. They can play the part of the therapist who APPEARS to have it all together, but they can be alcoholic, narcissistic, drug addicted or even psychopathic. Many therapists have large clusters of characteristics of narcissistic and borderline personality disorder and even psychopathy. They haven’t worked out their own problems, but they sure as hell love to tell you what you can do with yours. Seeking quality therapeutic care truly requires one to be on their game. Choosing a good therapist is actually quite difficult and, in my view, there are few really good ones out there. Credentials and certification mean nothing if the therapist hasn’t come to terms with their own trauma. In fact, I have found that the more educated they are, the more you have to watch out for them. Education is no guarantee of quality. The really tricky part for trauma survivors is that we have a hard time recognizing abusive or nefarious therapists when we encounter them. Having grown up in abusive, neglectful and exploitative environments, we are blind, at least at first, to abuse, neglect, and exploitation. It’s like the air we breathe. Psychologist Alice Miller has provided the prospective patient/client with an excellent guide on how to find the right therapist. It can be found here: http://www.alice-miller.com/en/faq-how-to-find-the-right-therapist/

  4. Yes, unfortunately therapists are human beings with their own flaws and it makes them feel better about themselves to “help” others with their crap, and yet not work on their own crap. I’ve known quite a few of these folks, lacking self awareness and integrity!

    • I was going to say the same thing! Therapists, Doctors etc are JUST human beings (with a medical degree). Some of them have a ‘godlike’ syndrome… but they are all imperfect beings. There was 1 that came in with strong alcohol on her breath. 1 that wore sunglasses trying to hide her black eye. 1 of them had a daughter in a psych ward.
      Sorry that there are ppl in this field that shouldn’t be. Some people choose careers based on how much income they’ll be making and they dont even have a true passion for their profession (like lack of compassion and gas-lighting). Most of us that are trying to work on ourselves, eventually catch on to the people who we have put trust in… shame on them!

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