Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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“The fact that you’ve managed to make so much progress, despite an inadequate therapist, says a lot about your strength and your determination to heal. Respect!”

A comment made on Facebook to me…..

Hope you find a better therapist. The fact that you’ve managed to make so much progress, despite an inadequate therapist, says a lot about your strength and your determination to heal. Respect!”

I wrote on my Facebook page about the latest issues in counselling, that are the last straw. I know when being with a counsellor for 5 years, and she is still victim blaming/shaming, I needed to end it.

My first counsellor (who I was with for a year) – told me I was doing most of my own counselling. And she was right. Over the last 5 years, I have done most of my own counselling.

Throughout my entire time with my last counsellor – issues repeatedly came up regarding her lack of insight about abuse and abusers and the inappropriate things she has said. Some of which she did apologise for. Some she denied.

This last one, was more than I could handle. It was the final straw.

I realise my capacity for self care, is far stronger now. I should have walked away from counselling when issues came up a few years ago. But, I didn’t because 1) I am used to tolerating harmful people & 2) I had transference issues, of having feelings for her like Continue reading


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Victim shaming & victim blaming are more abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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A post I wrote on my Facebook page today.

There are many things that hinder a complex trauma survivors healing journey.

One is being shamed and/or blamed for the abuse.

Sadly, over the last few weeks I have personally encountered victim blaming/shaming and I have seen it occurring on social media and in a video I watched where a therapist basically stated “adults cannot be victims”. Which is absolutely wrong.

Accepting being abused means we accept we were victimised – and this is a vital part of this journey.

Attaching shame to being a victim – hinders healing and makes many people feel worse. It can even lead to suicide.

Saying ‘don’t be a victim’ is victim shaming. It is suggesting being a victim of abuse is shameful. Yet, no shame is attached to being a victim of any other crime.

The stigma attached to being abused and being a victim is everywhere. I do NOT tolerate this, in any form.

Being blamed or blaming self for being abused – hinders healing.
The 100% responsibility for being abused lies with the perpetrator of the abuse.
It does not matter what the victim is doing, or not doing – it NEVER gives anyone the right or justification for abusing someone. And that applies to children and adult victims of abuse.

Many perpetrators of abuse prey on people who have soft boundaries, are empathic, or are vulnerable. That does NOT in any way imply the victim is at fault for the abuse they endure.

I will repeat – the PERPETRATOR of the abuse – is 100% RESPONSIBLE and accountable for their decisions to abuse someone. And yes, they are decisions and choices to abuse someone. They also had a choice not to abuse someone.

And this applies to all forms of abuse – sexual, physical, emotional mental, psychological, verbal, spiritual.

There are people out there who will victim blame and victim shame. They will shift the shame and responsibility for abuse, onto the victim.
This is abuse.
100% emotional and psychological abuse.
And if perpetrated by a religious person – there can be added religious and spiritual abuse too.

Continue reading