Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Victim shaming & victim blaming are more abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario




A post I wrote on my Facebook page today.

There are many things that hinder a complex trauma survivors healing journey.

One is being shamed and/or blamed for the abuse.

Sadly, over the last few weeks I have personally encountered victim blaming/shaming and I have seen it occurring on social media and in a video I watched where a therapist basically stated “adults cannot be victims”. Which is absolutely wrong.

Accepting being abused means we accept we were victimised – and this is a vital part of this journey.

Attaching shame to being a victim – hinders healing and makes many people feel worse. It can even lead to suicide.

Saying ‘don’t be a victim’ is victim shaming. It is suggesting being a victim of abuse is shameful. Yet, no shame is attached to being a victim of any other crime.

The stigma attached to being abused and being a victim is everywhere. I do NOT tolerate this, in any form.

Being blamed or blaming self for being abused – hinders healing.
The 100% responsibility for being abused lies with the perpetrator of the abuse.
It does not matter what the victim is doing, or not doing – it NEVER gives anyone the right or justification for abusing someone. And that applies to children and adult victims of abuse.

Many perpetrators of abuse prey on people who have soft boundaries, are empathic, or are vulnerable. That does NOT in any way imply the victim is at fault for the abuse they endure.

I will repeat – the PERPETRATOR of the abuse – is 100% RESPONSIBLE and accountable for their decisions to abuse someone. And yes, they are decisions and choices to abuse someone. They also had a choice not to abuse someone.

And this applies to all forms of abuse – sexual, physical, emotional mental, psychological, verbal, spiritual.

There are people out there who will victim blame and victim shame. They will shift the shame and responsibility for abuse, onto the victim.
This is abuse.
100% emotional and psychological abuse.
And if perpetrated by a religious person – there can be added religious and spiritual abuse too.

I do not and never will tolerate anything I see clearly hinders people’s healing, shames someone, or harms complex trauma survivors.

I hope this helps someone today, who is being abused and manipulated into thinking the abuse they endured was in any way their fault. It wasn’t. At all.

I hope this helps someone today, who is being victim blamed and/or victim shamed, by any suggestion that the abuse was the victims fault. It wasn’t. At all.

Much love to all and hugs to anyone who may need one.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Victim shaming & victim blaming are more abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. I am glad I have a good sense of humor because “adults cannot be victims” made me laugh heartily. You see, these “experts” suggest the narcs target give the narc “bounadries” Oh Ha Ha Ha. Newsflash Narcs don’t respect boundaries. In fact they appear to enjoy trampling them When no one is looking of course. Tell a narc they cannot under any circumstances come to your house and they will just turn up. If you go away, you will come back and they will be sobbing on your neighbor’s shoulder while the neighbor glares at you. They will tell everyone you said they could visit and then you went out. (true story BTW) Also if they have money they use that. They employ a cleaner, pay above award rates and then play nasty head games. No one believes what these ridiculous narcissists are like unless they have been the punchline of one. You get it and so do I so at least that is 2 people. I have been no contact for years but they still persist. I am at the “ridding myself of flying monkeys stage” now.
    They even called my lawyer and managed to get him on their side. They live to trash me at every opportunity. We must be amongst the strongest people around.

    • I was shocked to hear a ‘therapist’ state outright that “no adult can be a victim or be victimised. Traumatised, but not victimised.”
      Such wrong and toxic thinking and all this does is invalidate and victim shame/blame survivors of abuse.
      I am starting to see there are many ‘therapists’ who have no clue about abuse.
      Or they choose to believe BS, so it makes it easier for them to ‘counsel’ these toxic people.
      But, whatever the reason – it is harmful rhetoric that I will not tolerate or enable.