A post I wrote on my Facebook page today.
There are many things that hinder a complex trauma survivors healing journey.
One is being shamed and/or blamed for the abuse.
Sadly, over the last few weeks I have personally encountered victim blaming/shaming and I have seen it occurring on social media and in a video I watched where a therapist basically stated “adults cannot be victims”. Which is absolutely wrong.
Accepting being abused means we accept we were victimised – and this is a vital part of this journey.
Attaching shame to being a victim – hinders healing and makes many people feel worse. It can even lead to suicide.
Saying ‘don’t be a victim’ is victim shaming. It is suggesting being a victim of abuse is shameful. Yet, no shame is attached to being a victim of any other crime.
The stigma attached to being abused and being a victim is everywhere. I do NOT tolerate this, in any form.
Being blamed or blaming self for being abused – hinders healing.
The 100% responsibility for being abused lies with the perpetrator of the abuse.
It does not matter what the victim is doing, or not doing – it NEVER gives anyone the right or justification for abusing someone. And that applies to children and adult victims of abuse.
Many perpetrators of abuse prey on people who have soft boundaries, are empathic, or are vulnerable. That does NOT in any way imply the victim is at fault for the abuse they endure.
I will repeat – the PERPETRATOR of the abuse – is 100% RESPONSIBLE and accountable for their decisions to abuse someone. And yes, they are decisions and choices to abuse someone. They also had a choice not to abuse someone.
And this applies to all forms of abuse – sexual, physical, emotional mental, psychological, verbal, spiritual.
There are people out there who will victim blame and victim shame. They will shift the shame and responsibility for abuse, onto the victim.
This is abuse.
100% emotional and psychological abuse.
And if perpetrated by a religious person – there can be added religious and spiritual abuse too.
I do not and never will tolerate anything I see clearly hinders people’s healing, shames someone, or harms complex trauma survivors.
I hope this helps someone today, who is being abused and manipulated into thinking the abuse they endured was in any way their fault. It wasn’t. At all.
I hope this helps someone today, who is being victim blamed and/or victim shamed, by any suggestion that the abuse was the victims fault. It wasn’t. At all.
Much love to all and hugs to anyone who may need one.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.
All rights reserved.
No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.
This includes adaptations in all forms of media.