I know when I’m not doing okay, because I can’t eat, all my PTSD symptoms increase, I get suicidal thoughts, I wish I could not be here.
I’m aware the situation of my counselling ending so badly, is trauma. I have been re-traumatised and emotionally abused by her, and this has impacted me greatly. Even though I tried hard to not let it affect me.
This, plus issues in my marriage increasing, are overwhelming.
I’ve also had to cancel doing my photography course, because I have found out this week – the Government funding has reduced and I cannot afford to pay for the course.
Plus, I have issues about my faith.
It’s too much.
And I have no-one to talk to.
It feels like my whole life is falling apart and there is nothing I can do to sort it out.
I tried to be really strong about all this, and realise my counsellors and husband issues are actually nothing to do with me – it’s their issues. But, the fact is – it does impact me. I can’t just turn off those strong emotions indefinitely.
No matter how hard I try to improve my life and get back on track – things always fall apart. So, I give up.
I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
I don’t want to do this anymore.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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