I have to accept the fact, that I am alone. In terms of people actually in my life, I am completely alone.
I no longer have a relationship with God. My therapy has ended. My husband is completely self absorbed and only cares about himself. My children are children and I treat them as such.
I have friends, but I don’t talk about any of my trauma related stuff. They are superficial relationships. In terms of being connected in any genuine, deep way…. I have no-one. I have no-one who cares about my wellbeing, my healing, my soul.
And I know now, it will never change. I’ve tried and failed. I have to accept I will only have superficial relationships. I will never have what I have always longed for.
The terminal aloneness I feel, is overwhelmingly painful. It makes me have to zone out to cope.
To feel so alone, even when surrounded by people….. is not something anyone should have to endure.
Robin Williams understood this. Continue reading