Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


So glad I found the IP blacklist – where you add IP addresses of trolls

I’ve had a lot of trolling, abusive comments and issues from abusive people, on this blog over the time I have been blogging here.

I’ve had paedophiles, sociopaths, narcissists – all troll my blog.

I’ve had abusive people I’ve banned on social media – troll and abuse me here on this blog.

And I’ve dealt with them all, mostly by completely ignoring them.

Now, I have found the place where you can add IP addresses of trolls – so they are blocked. I wish I had found this earlier, but better late than never.

This is the latest one blocked – some troll in Bucharest – venting and trolling for fun. Such narcissistic and sociopathic behaviour. Her ‘screen’ name is Kati Lomer (doubt that is her real name). Her IP address: I also have her email address, used to comment on this site.  Continue reading


I need to find a job and somewhere for myself and my boys to live

My marriage issues have been worsening over the last few months, and todays argument has finally made me realise, I need to get away from him. I need to do this for my wellbeing, which ultimately is for my children’s wellbeing.

I can’t live in this toxic environment any longer. The depths of his callous, selfish issues, are beyond my capacity to cope with any longer. He has indicated he either wants me to tolerate his lying, manipulative, selfish ways, and stop talking about it – or wants our marriage over. And he has admitted he never intends changing. So this is his decision to break up our family, rather than do what’s necessary to be a decent human being and keep our family together. And he’s walked away from a family in the past, and is doing it again.

I do know he is not capable of change. He is a narcissist and has psychopath traits – of no empathy, no conscience, no shame, no remorse, no regard for another suffering and no willingness to change. He is a compulsive liar, only ever does anything from a place of his own needs. He is a cheater, a liar and selfish to the core. He duped me into believing he was someone completely different at the beginning of our relationship – as narcissists always do. He lied from day one. He intentionally failed to tell me all the disgusting things he’s done, all the adultery in his first marriage. He pretended to be a really good person, and it was all lies and an act. And…. when I found out from others about all his disgusting behaviours, he acted like ‘he’ was the one being treated badly. He sulked, had tantrums, and didn’t once stop to consider how I felt. In fact, he made me feel like ‘I’ was the problem – for finding out off others – who is really is. Continue reading


Fuck you all – every person who has made me feel ‘not good enough’.

I’ve spent my entire life, around people who deem me ‘not good enough’. Mostly due to their narcissistic needs, selfishness and abusive motivations.

From being a young child, right up and until recently – I haven’t been other people’s version of ‘good enough’.

My ex-counsellor has self serving needs to view abusive people a certain way. This is so she can feel sorry for abusers and provide them with counselling. And she has made it very clear over the last 4 years – anything different to ‘her’ views, is not good enough.

It is interesting that I never talk about revenge, retaliation, karma etc, and I as a result have a healthy level of compassion for abusers such as paedophiles, psychopaths etc…. and yet my beliefs were still not ‘good enough. For her. Because I would not view these sick evil people, in exactly the same way as she chooses to.

When people have a vested interest in needing certain beliefs, they refuse to see outside of that, or have empathy to know someone else can have very valid beliefs.

I have received considerable positive and encouraging feedback about my work. My website, this blog, my social media. Yet, my own counsellor never supported any of it. And the reason – is because I don’t write ‘her’ beliefs, I write about my own. And I have challenged her on many of her beliefs, and I know she is no doubt not used to that.

And my beliefs and understanding have be validated by many other professionals. So, the fact she is a person who chooses to see what I do as worthless, is pretty disgusting. Continue reading


Going to try and access a bulk billing psychiatrist.

I’m a mess, and I know I can’t do this alone. I need professional support and I need someone who truly understands complex trauma.

I’m going to contact the hospital I went to a few times when suicidal. They said I could phone them, or contact them, whenever I needed to. The male psychiatrist I saw, was really lovely and the woman I saw a few days later, was really easy to talk to.

I need to talk to someone who gets it and can validate my journey and not force personal opinions/beliefs on me. I need to see someone who won’t force their self serving opinions about heinous abusers on me. I need someone with the sensitivity and empathy to know what to say, and what not to say. Continue reading