Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Fuck you all – every person who has made me feel ‘not good enough’.

6 Comments

I’ve spent my entire life, around people who deem me ‘not good enough’. Mostly due to their narcissistic needs, selfishness and abusive motivations.

From being a young child, right up and until recently – I haven’t been other people’s version of ‘good enough’.

My ex-counsellor has self serving needs to view abusive people a certain way. This is so she can feel sorry for abusers and provide them with counselling. And she has made it very clear over the last 4 years – anything different to ‘her’ views, is not good enough.

It is interesting that I never talk about revenge, retaliation, karma etc, and I as a result have a healthy level of compassion for abusers such as paedophiles, psychopaths etc…. and yet my beliefs were still not ‘good enough. For her. Because I would not view these sick evil people, in exactly the same way as she chooses to.

When people have a vested interest in needing certain beliefs, they refuse to see outside of that, or have empathy to know someone else can have very valid beliefs.

I have received considerable positive and encouraging feedback about my work. My website, this blog, my social media. Yet, my own counsellor never supported any of it. And the reason – is because I don’t write ‘her’ beliefs, I write about my own. And I have challenged her on many of her beliefs, and I know she is no doubt not used to that.

And my beliefs and understanding have be validated by many other professionals. So, the fact she is a person who chooses to see what I do as worthless, is pretty disgusting.

She has only ever encouraged me to shut down this blog, stop posting on social media and has never once said anything good about my website. Not. Once.

But, the very fact that many professionals have confirmed they use my work – to better inform and educate themselves about complex trauma, and better helps their clients – is proof that what I do – is valid, is good, is meaningful and is worthy of good feedback.

So, my ex counsellor can shove her opinions up her arse. She can shove her invalidation, mocking, lack of encouragement and belief that my work, and I am worthless – where the sun doesn’t shine.

Fuck her.

I’m done with people in my life who mock, invalidate and choose to consider me unworthy – based one the fact that I don’t and won’t see everything the way they choose to – for their own self serving needs.

Her and everyone else who has ever made me feel not good enough – can shove their opinions up their arse. And that includes my mother, my sisters, my ex husband, my current husband, my ex-counsellor and anyone else who has tried to put me down.

Fuck you all.

I am 100% okay with my beliefs about toxic people and abusers. I am 100% okay with my level of compassion and my rational views of their sick and evil needs and actions.

I’m aware grieving has anger in it, and I am allowing myself to feel that needed anger.

I am not going to hate myself for feeling appropriate emotions.

I am going to feel them, because that’s how you heal.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “Fuck you all – every person who has made me feel ‘not good enough’.

  1. Wow! Congratulations for putting your own beliefs, thoughts, and values above someone else who apparently has no use for anyone’s opinion which fails to meet their own. Continue to stand firm in your own convictions Lily, yours are as valid as anyone else’s.
    This so-called therapist seems a “wee bit” narcissistic and reminds me of my own mother, because if one dared not to agree with her or see things her way, she would cut you off at the knees as easily as not. I am 60 and she has never once told me she is proud of me…ever! With everything I have accomplished in life and what you have accomplished Lily, we ARE good enough! In fact, we are better than “good enough!” We are fantabulous; we all are!
    So, yes…I agree…fuck them all who refuse to think we are “good enough”.

  2. You go girl. You are my new hero & boy I’m glad I found you. You inspire & give a safe place to many to heal. Happy New Year keep standing rock solid.

  3. Wow! Without being too judgmental, can I say that I think your counsellor is obviously a bit of a fool. I THANK GOD that you did not listen to her and stop you blogging. God led me to your site because I too have thought along the lines of many on here, but both psychological experts and other Christians have not appreciated my views (which match yours in many ways). Along with Robyn, you are my new hero!
    Michelle

  4. Thank you all ❤ ❤

    I have come to realise most people believe what they want to believe for their own self serving reasons, and none of that is anything to do with me, my needs, or about my wellbeing.

    I have also come to realise – to take note of those who encourage you, not put you down, even in passive aggressive ways.

    Often what people 'don't say' – is as important to me as what they 'do' say.

    I am secure in my views, beliefs and opinions about abuse and abusers. I don't have to provide counselling for sick, heinous people – so I have no need to form self serving beliefs that help me cope with dealing with them.

    I can therefore, have a far more rational, objective and appropriate view about them. I'm secure in that too.

  5. I relate to you whole heartedly. You have told my story, you express everything I feel. I know how it feels to be thrown away even by my own children. It is me who is ridiculed, put down, made fun of. I can see the Lord lead me here. This will be the final nail OUT of my coffin that I may live. You are a beautiful human being and I can see through your tragedies that the Lord has molded a beautiful compassionate human being as he did it to me as well. I struggle but dont we all who have been through so much trauma.

  6. Lily I think you are amazing!!!! I have Complex PTSD. I was misdiagnosed and treated for depression and then ignored because I couldn’t heal. I was correctly diagnosed in November 2015 and I had never heard of it before then. Of course I read up on it as much as I could and EVERYTHING you wrote was ME!!! I couldn’t believe that every single word I read in your blog was how I felt or had felt!!! I don’t know how many others you have helped but please know you saved ME!!! I am happier today than I have ever been in my life and I am 53 yrs old!! I have been through every type of abuse and torture you can think of. There is nothing that hasn’t been done to me by family and husbands and friends. Yet because of you I am happy and looking forward to a better life!! I NEVER respond to these things yet you have made such an impact on my life that I have to let you know because if I was in your shoes I would be feeling so betrayed and hurt and made to feel worthless AGAIN by the very person who should be helping you and I know that you need words of encouragement and love so here are my words to you… words of encouragement and love and my eternal gratitude for your time and effort and kindness in helping others. You are all that humanity should be and if everyone was like you then this world would be amazing!!!! Please remember Lily that there is a stranger that you don’t even know, who thinks the world of you and thanks you for everything!!! I hope you have love and happiness and all the good things in life xxx

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