I’ve spent my entire life, around people who deem me ‘not good enough’. Mostly due to their narcissistic needs, selfishness and abusive motivations.
From being a young child, right up and until recently – I haven’t been other people’s version of ‘good enough’.
My ex-counsellor has self serving needs to view abusive people a certain way. This is so she can feel sorry for abusers and provide them with counselling. And she has made it very clear over the last 4 years – anything different to ‘her’ views, is not good enough.
It is interesting that I never talk about revenge, retaliation, karma etc, and I as a result have a healthy level of compassion for abusers such as paedophiles, psychopaths etc…. and yet my beliefs were still not ‘good enough. For her. Because I would not view these sick evil people, in exactly the same way as she chooses to.
When people have a vested interest in needing certain beliefs, they refuse to see outside of that, or have empathy to know someone else can have very valid beliefs.
I have received considerable positive and encouraging feedback about my work. My website, this blog, my social media. Yet, my own counsellor never supported any of it. And the reason – is because I don’t write ‘her’ beliefs, I write about my own. And I have challenged her on many of her beliefs, and I know she is no doubt not used to that.
And my beliefs and understanding have be validated by many other professionals. So, the fact she is a person who chooses to see what I do as worthless, is pretty disgusting.
She has only ever encouraged me to shut down this blog, stop posting on social media and has never once said anything good about my website. Not. Once.
But, the very fact that many professionals have confirmed they use my work – to better inform and educate themselves about complex trauma, and better helps their clients – is proof that what I do – is valid, is good, is meaningful and is worthy of good feedback.
So, my ex counsellor can shove her opinions up her arse. She can shove her invalidation, mocking, lack of encouragement and belief that my work, and I am worthless – where the sun doesn’t shine.
I’m done with people in my life who mock, invalidate and choose to consider me unworthy – based one the fact that I don’t and won’t see everything the way they choose to – for their own self serving needs.
Her and everyone else who has ever made me feel not good enough – can shove their opinions up their arse. And that includes my mother, my sisters, my ex husband, my current husband, my ex-counsellor and anyone else who has tried to put me down.
Fuck you all.
I am 100% okay with my beliefs about toxic people and abusers. I am 100% okay with my level of compassion and my rational views of their sick and evil needs and actions.
I’m aware grieving has anger in it, and I am allowing myself to feel that needed anger.
I am not going to hate myself for feeling appropriate emotions.
I am going to feel them, because that’s how you heal.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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