Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I need to find a job and somewhere for myself and my boys to live

3 Comments

My marriage issues have been worsening over the last few months, and todays argument has finally made me realise, I need to get away from him. I need to do this for my wellbeing, which ultimately is for my children’s wellbeing.

I can’t live in this toxic environment any longer. The depths of his callous, selfish issues, are beyond my capacity to cope with any longer. He has indicated he either wants me to tolerate his lying, manipulative, selfish ways, and stop talking about it – or wants our marriage over. And he has admitted he never intends changing. So this is his decision to break up our family, rather than do what’s necessary to be a decent human being and keep our family together. And he’s walked away from a family in the past, and is doing it again.

I do know he is not capable of change. He is a narcissist and has psychopath traits – of no empathy, no conscience, no shame, no remorse, no regard for another suffering and no willingness to change. He is a compulsive liar, only ever does anything from a place of his own needs. He is a cheater, a liar and selfish to the core. He duped me into believing he was someone completely different at the beginning of our relationship – as narcissists always do. He lied from day one. He intentionally failed to tell me all the disgusting things he’s done, all the adultery in his first marriage. He pretended to be a really good person, and it was all lies and an act. And…. when I found out from others about all his disgusting behaviours, he acted like ‘he’ was the one being treated badly. He sulked, had tantrums, and didn’t once stop to consider how I felt. In fact, he made me feel like ‘I’ was the problem – for finding out off others – who is really is.

He has never considered how I feel. What I need. My past. They were never a consideration to him…… because that wasn’t about him. And ‘he’ and his needs, are all he thinks about.

He is a classic narcissist, with psychopath traits.

Now, it’s come to a head, because I am unwilling to tolerate it. Unwilling to reward his narcissism. And unwilling to ignore it.

So, we are splitting up, and I will have to find a job and somewhere to live. Which is going to be very hard, because jobs are hard to find, I have no references, and I haven’t worked for the last 4 years.

I am so beyond stressed, I am completely zoned out.

Dissociation has completely taken over.

God knows where we will end up living, especially if I cannot find a job.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I need to find a job and somewhere for myself and my boys to live

  1. Things have a way of working out.It sounds like u are making the right decision to leave ur marriage, & u will be better off in the long term.If ur in Australia Vinnies can help with a moving truck.U will need to really impress on them how badly u need the help,as they often get people who spend their money on drugs etc,then come to them for a hand out ,when they dont have money for food etc for their kids.They helped me when I moved.Also see what Clink payments ur eligible for.Do this ASAP,as it can take over a month to get paid,from the time u apply.Also Vinnies & the salvation army can help with food,bills,clothes etc.If ur not in Australia Im sure there would be similer things in other countries.It will be hard,but Im sure u can do it.Just tack one step at a time.Also in regards to ur husband I strongly recommend that u keep a detailed diary about conversations, things to do with the kids etc.U may not need it now,but u may later on.Id also advice ringing a legal help line.They can give u free advice.Hope all this helps.

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